sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

I have read alot here abt bros talking abt their sad sexless life.... all of us go into a relationship cos there was an initial attraction, we call it love n eventually we got married n hv kids. Technically that shd be the pinnacles of happiness but not so behind closed door. Many women also talk abt their sexless lives, just no equivalent of SBF for us to start a thread and discuss openly. No we didn't let ourselves go n turn into an ugly fat potato nor do we binge on Korean drama. most of us wanted so much for intimacy too but somehow I guess both sides take each other for granted, no more sweet words, act of service n slowly both sides don't feel loved anymore. For men, it's impt to connect thru sex to feel loved. For us, we need to feel loved in daily life to want to have sex. We feel resentful as our man only hug n kiss us when he wants sex, otherwise we felt like leper that he won't even touch or notice we hv a new dress or look gd on an occasion. The resentment actually builds up n when our man initiates sex we pretended to do other things to avoid it cos it felt empty. Too many of us felt this way n some actually go ahead to cheat on the marriage. It's a sad vicious cycle. I wrote all these here not because I want to blame our men here. It's more to make aware that the rejection in the bedroom is often an emotion already building up over months and years. It's not about how much our man earn, how he looks, it's a build up of feeling of unloved. It's just a sharing, not trying to pick a fight with anyone.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

sorry to read that. may i inquire how many years in marriage did this emotion set in? for fellow brothers and sisters to stay aware~

Wholeheartedly agrees with you. Sometimes I wonder where did all the intimacy gone to. It got to a point where I stopped trying so hard, and just gave up. We still have sex once in a long while but the connection is no longer there.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

I beg to differ. Many people actually turn into ugly fat potato after marriage. All the dad bod mum bod come out. Dressing wise married people tend to lean towards comfort and convenience. Lost the dress to kill mindset because they already attracted their partner and fulfilled their mission to have children.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

Guess it is the norm and sadly, nobody find ways around to improve, add fire to the dry relationship. Many peoples just do not discuss and let the problem build up and escalate.

here in Indonesia, know a few couples that still leave the kids behind once a month and check into a hotel for some good old times.

Hope all get well and wish u all the best

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

Once the mission to have children is fulfilled, it almost spells the death knell for sex. We don’t show the same kind of love and passion towards our spouses. And I regretted it ever since I lost my wife

I think different people different timeline?

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

Sexual intimacy is definitely an important aspect in a relationship. Love without sex is just hollow and ridiculous' and it will eventually leads to the downfall of a relationship.

Was previously in a 2.5yrs relationship with an ex who has PE issue. Always coming within 10-15 seconds of sex. That was alright for me though, as foreplay was still good. However, he had issues with himself and wanted to refrain from sex, just foreplay only. Probably in his mind, no sex is better than bad sex.

For the latter 1.5yrs of rs, we probably had sex once a mth and dwindle down to few mths. For me, it was barely enough. Most days, just had to suffice on my trusty vibrator. And it made me feel that I wasn't enough, attractive to turn him on. And I was having doubts on where he was getting his sex supply from, fl or massage ladies. It took a toll on me, and I moved myself emotionally away as I was having too much self doubts. My ex was also constantly commenting on me not having nice teeth, big enough boobs, and long legs. :cool:

Now I am in a much better place. Even though I know I'm pretty enough, women still need validation from their partner. Right now, my current partner is proud to slowly introduce meeting his friends and ex colleagues. And he validates by saying that he loves the confidence I have, and how sexy I am to him. And most of all, sex is part of our relationship. We are slowly exploring all our different kinks and fulfilling our inner desires.

After all, YOLO!

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

You are kind enough not to change heart because of his PE issue. It sucks that his low confidence causes you to have self esteem problem too. I guess you are right to move on.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

My 2 cents worth, I think no matter what it takes 2 hands to clap in a relationship.

Actually how did the intimacy die down? Kisses and hugs are important, my wife will remind me, if I haven't kiss her for a long time...

Once I overheard she was telling her friend (on the phone) about getting down on her knees on her own and giving me blowjobs and why it is important....

Her friend was like eeeee, how can, it is so belittling 很没面子. My wife was like 跟自己老公要什么面子？又不是别人，他疼我才重要.

I don't speak for other men, but these actions are important reminders that my wife love and desires me...so I must show my love (for her) back be it helping out with the housework, spending my bonus on her LV etc, etc.

I am not sure if she is actually manipulating me into doing all these but then again 不就是一个愿打，一个愿挨？

I am not boosting about my marriage here, just that I don't really have the correct words to express my views, so I just use a couple of examples to illustrate.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

Yeah definity, now feeling much more confident in myself. And ready to charm the world. 😂😂😂

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

This is what makes women (couple in general) vulnerable. A lot get's attracted and charmed by third party. not being rude here, but I am commenting on what I have seen and experienced. it's just that, some guys knows it, and back off, while I have seen those who took it.

Men are also emotional creature. We can lower ourselves for our loved ones, like take on all kind of shit work (and hiding doing shit work) to bring food to the table, and do what a man does to fulfil the wife need. But woman on the other hand can get really emotional over minor things.. like forgetting birthday, not noticing after her visit to hair saloon, or even a tiny earring on her ear, and they get all emotionally charged and give their spouse the cold shoulder, over small little things.. Yes, I do understand, what's not important is important to a women.. But the thing is, we don't think the same. Hence, there are things that the wife did that her man don't like, guys can swallow and sweep it under the carpet, while for ladies, they show it, bring it up to the whole world. LOL!!..

Relationship is a 2 way things.. the lucky ones get a very submissive spouse, but these luck is only one sided, while some may be seen as independent, they're actually very immature, as everything is just about them, and no compromise. and people ask why couple cheat? because marriage have created the supply and the demand?

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

I have been through few marriages and I am on the receiving end and giving end when it comes to EMA.
These are my observations :

1) We can fuck around with other peoples woman (wives) and our wives can also do the same and probably will because both of them do not have the sparks anymore.

2) Many married couples are not happily married and they may seem happy but only they know best. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes trust, faithfulness, respect and love.

3) My flings, FWB and FB usually married comes from all walks of life when I was single and attached.
Some of their betrayal are so scary that I dont trust woman anymore.

4) When men are attached, they can either find a FB or pay to get a release.
It takes only 1 occasion to break the bond and betray her, once it is done, it is very hard to stay faithful and you will start to stray

I have been faithful for 8 months now because i found my true love. She is married and maybe wife of someone in this forum. She is considering to get out of a sexless marriage.
She is more than 45. As for me, after all these married life and expensive commercial sex, I have good sex with her and she loves me.
Now instead of spending on SPA and GL, I spend it on us and I even have spared cash to save.

I think I may be in a honeymoon period and I am not sure when the novelty will wears out and how long i can hold on before returning to commercial scene.
I hope I wont.

5) When there is no feeling between 2 couples, women are usually the one who feels it first.
They are also the one that want to get out of it if they can.

Every relationship will go through a transition. It will and never maintain at a honey moon state forever.
Sooner or later, it will move to the next phase. After some time, your partner will feel like a family member.
If sex is the only frustration, I suggest you keep your marriage.
Just be safe, and keep whatever happens outside, outside.

Re: sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective
 

Sex is just a part of a relationship. It does not represent everything. It adds on to the intimacy aspects of a relationship.

When a couple grows old, what matters most is the support and love for each other. If they still continue to have sex regularly, that will be a bonus.

My personal perspective.