Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Backstory: 19yo now. Have had deep rooted depression for years (Probably since mid primary sch i think). Kept it all bottled up until I started studying polytechnic, broke down mentally. Went doctor, started taking medication and took a year break from poly. Went back to poly after that, then realise I had no passion for what I was studying. No idea what I actually want to study or what I had an interest in. Fell into depressive episode again and didn't go to school. I wanted to dropout but didn't have the energy to bring it up. So I just disappeared from school and my exams until I failed everything and was dropped from the course. Decided that it was for the best that I took a break and think about it.

Wanted some time to think by going NS but get rejected due to the depression. Even tried appealing with doctor's help (Even he agreed I could at least be E9), still rejected. PES F. Made me feel unwanted(I'm over that now though).

Now working part time job while deciding how to continue my education. I'm not even sure if I can apply for poly again given my record of being dropped from a course.

I do plan to continue my education at some point when I find something I have passion in. But seeing all my secondary school friends going through poly with flying colour and receiving offers from local unis makes it very discouraging. Like by the time they graduate uni I will still be years behind them.

I know theres no shame in being a late bloomer in studies but there is this feeling I cant shake off. Like I grew up with all these expectations on me and now I'm not fulfilling any of them.

My parents have been supportive of me since I took the break/dropout from poly. Telling me to take it slow. But I feel deep down that I've let them down.

Ok backstory over. Now time to ask for advice.

Will I have any trouble applying for poly based on my record of failure due to no show and dropped from course? My grades before my mental breakdown were decent, and my O level is decent too. Or would I have to make my case to the poly and they will consider it kind of thing?

Is anyone else here late bloomer for learning? Any advice you can give? How was the experience going back to school with people younger than you?

Ok now relationship advice.

I know I'm not financially stable or mature enough for a serious relationship. Never dated anyone before, more introverted than most. But the feeling of loneliness is pretty bad. How do people cope? Or do you just start dating even when you have nothing (no qualifications no money)? Will anyone even date a person like me?

Or maybe I just cope by cheonging with FLs/MLs or try hooking up on dating apps. Chase the stress relief but not the emotional side.

What age do you think is normal to start a serious relationship? When you're studying? When you have a stable job?

Ok thats all the questions I have. Thanks for taking your time to read my very personal and private problems. I am asking here on SBF because the age distribution is wider, got people with more life experience.

Sorry if these questions seem immature/nonsensical to you older folk but I'm a troubled young guy needing advice.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

haiyo 19 years old the troubled age. This age range is either the person is coping well (those popular guys having no lack of girls) or the other extremes of struggling with all kinds of issues.

You see those ah bengs they also not study well but they have no lack of ah lian girlfriends. Its all in the mindset. Mindset is partly the thing that makes you succeed or fail. Of course your ability plays a part. Your ability is in your DNA given by your parents. This wise words was given by late Lee Kuan Yew. HE said his DNA given by his parents was to excel in articulation and mathematics thats why he is so good with words and became a Lawyer and PM. IF you tell him to earn a living by doing ART, he will starve cos he cannot draw.

DONT COMPETE or COMPARE with your peers. YOur future gf likely will not be from your same age group and probably younger girls. The more you compete the more you fail. I know im not the best person to say this.

Relationship wise i know you got raging hormones and need a lot of sex. Just PCC or try to hold it for weeks without pcc, need to train your discipline. If buay tahan just PCC, don't commit crimes can liao.

If you manage to meet a nice girl whom both of you have feelings for each other, cherish her. I repeat, CHERISH HER, don't look at other girls or flirt with other girls. Don't smile at other girls in front of her. This is very important cos i made a mistake like that and never met another girl i like for more than a decade, still single.

Hard to say dont compare with other people when from young all your parents do is compare you to other people 🤣. I'll try not to think to much about it I guess. Take it slow like my parents say.

As for my hormones, I can go a month without pcc no problem. Not really a discipline problem. Just feel lonely is all. Guess I'll just have to live with it for now.

Will defo cherish if I meet the right girl. Thank you for your advice bro.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Don't be so harsh on yourself every time you perceive yourself to have 'failed'.

That sort of mindset can push some to greater heights. But if it doesn't work for you, it doesn't. Be kind to yourself and understand you can just keep on trying.

Unless you die, no failure is the end of the world.

Don't think about girls, they will happen when your life is in order.

A girl problem indicates a problem with one's own life, and the esteem issues that come with it.

Until that is resolved, thinking about girls only makes life's problems worse.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

The issues you face are caused by the depression episode you had experienced while young. It is the root cause of your woes. If it is not exorcised from you mind, you can never develop no matter how far you try. That depressive mentality had became a crutch, a comfort zone, to wallow in self pity, that you will always return to whenever you attempt & fail.

No mortal is perfect. Everyone has failed not just once but several times in life. It is failures that made us progress & find success, tampered with moderations, when we acknowledge mistakes made, & corrections done, & to never give up or wallow in self pity.

You will need to see a psychiatrist & have a few counselling sessions with him. He will be able to reach deep into you psyche & find out the root cause of your depression, & give you the correct guidance out of the cage you had locked yourself in.

But he is not a magician. You will need to want to be helped, & participate in the sessions & follow thru the advices, & NEVER ever return back to the cage, no matter how difficult life will be. Many had face FAR WORSE situations than you in life before, but with courage & mental strength, they had survived & thrived. So too can you.

You just need to have confidence in yourself. Try jogging, as it is simple. Set a short distance, eg-1km. When you achieved it, you can compliment yourself, that what you had set out, you had achieved, then set longer, & longer distances. It will help build up your confidence & mental strength conditioning, starting with baby steps. You have a whole life ahead of you, & full of unlocked potential within you, far more than you don't realize yet. Don't waste it. Life is short. No one owes you anything, nor anyone owes you anything. Only you alone can live your life, no one else. Hurt none, & do not be hurt by anyone, is a golden rule of life.

Or you can try to follow mainstream religion, as it can help you find solace & mental peace. Just start slowly, eg- reading up on religion texts, & no need to join any congregation yet, as you may not be ready for fellowship. Understand the words first, & you will find consolation, & that you are never alone..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHA3Z08NluE

My depression isn't that bad anymore but thanks for the advice.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Very hard to type a long essay to reply. Here is my advice, from my own life experience.

1. Stop comparing with peers. I also behind peers. My peers now all succcessful happy family. I here divorced and clearing debts hitting 40 with nothing but debts to my name. I strongly believe there are many "successful" but troubled souls that are not genuinely happy with their lives they just on surface do it to survive, pay for hdb la look good infront of relatives and peers to show off la etc

2. Move around jobs , hobbies, meeting people. These life exposure moving around will let you have a good chance to find what you want to do. Still young, this is the age where you do not really bother about high pay but rather gain experience and mature yourself.

3. Mix around positive people. Courage up and meet new people if the ones around you are not positive. They will indirectly help you with their positive aura. This helps your negative atmosphere that is one of the factors of your depression.

4. Put 100% regardless of success or failure. A subconscious part of blaming yourself, you know you did not put 100% for example not going to class then fail. So you expected the result and you know it's because you did not work for it so you blame yourself. I do not fault about this as it is in a depression stage. If you did 100% and failed you know u did 100% and can accept the result. and u improve self esteem which will improve your current state of mind.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Absolutely agree with tankerkit.

You need to stop comparing yourself with others :) that’s the first step to being successful. Never try, never know mindset. Next.. you need to develop more self confidence in yourself and also don’t be afraid to seek help.

I myself used to be a social hermit. But I’m trying to meet more people and trying to be more sociable. Try by joining badminton outings, or hiking outings and mixing with more likeminded people. Hope you find your way in life and get past the difficult transition phase, it will get easier once you get pass it!

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

alot of it comes from self-esteem and self motivation to do things i believe.

but i cannot really tell you a way to get it though need to be inspired ba travel around and meet new people helps

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Bro, you are not alone. There are many many people that is battling with depression. I am not qualified to tell you what to do. I can only share what my experience.

Qualifier. I do not have depression but I know a kid that is.

First off, do not worry about falling behind your peers. Now at 19 years old, 2-3 years behind seems a lot. By the time you are 30 years old, 2-3 years gap is nothing. I started off my career 6 years behind my peers due to various reasons. I think I still do ok compared to my peers. I am better off than some and not as good as some. I am at peace with that.

Relationship wise, my take is if you get into a relationship because you don't want to be lonely, or you need sex, then I think you have set yourself up for failure. Just relax and let it happen. You will meet someone that is right for you. In the meantime, occupy yourself with other things. Find an activity or some activities that you are passionate about and enjoy them. Pick up a musical instrument, get a new skill, start a new hobby, start a new sport. Find something that you enjoy doing and devote your time there.

Future: see point #1

Aways remember, there are people who love you and is rooting for you. Find strength in that. And 1 day at a time. Look for small wins and happy moment. Best of luck!!

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

I agree and would like to add on, the relationship you still very young. think about what you want focus on what you want and when you work towards it, it moulds you and strengthens you and will fight your depression, build your self confidence. even you meet failures learn why a certain plan failed and progress from there. i failed business 3 times. now clearing debts and will try again. with each failure i get more confident. i may not know what to be done but i know what cannot be done. look back at mistakes / failures learn and grow positively.

break down your goals to as tiny as possible. if u can even daily targets
why you achieve it it feels good. when u dont , reflect and learn. improve the next day.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

I like it that this forum also has individuals that provide really excellent feedback and advise.

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

excellent is overrated, very generic advise that most people would give haha

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

Hahahas so far the advice I’ve read are quite meaningful tho. I mean.. this place is a sex forum. But still, offers pretty good advice! And for free!

Re: Seeking general life advice. (Education/relationship/future)
 

maybe i should start life consultation service hahaha