Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Its crazy that I have to turn here to vent and get things outta my chest. Married for 8yrs with 1 kid.

During the initial phase of relationship, my gf knew I had other girls before. Being completely honest with her about some sexual mistakes in my life is perhaps the worst thing any man could do. However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest.

After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc.

After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; busted my arse working 2 jobs (my day job and a Uber driver) to cover my credit card bills paying off quite abit of bills and avoided touching my wife's money as far as possible. Even then, she had continued on her tirade every now and then. Even to the point of telling me - to leave the house with my child.

Fast forward to 8yrs on. Just as I'd thought when things had settled down, she went on another crazy spree. One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work.

As for her, well...
1) She doesn't do the housework
2) She has never volunteered to pay for the child's bills at all.
3) She doesn't manage her own house admin - aka her income taxes, her insurance premiums, her Medisave contribution, etc.
4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly) and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!
10) She sprained her foot, insisted on going to work even though I kept telling not to, decided to go home in the middle of the night cos her foot was killing her, limped back home, started banging the door instead of opening it and when I woke up, she instantly gave me a slap.
11) I actively avoid calling her during the day as I know she will be asleep and wanted her to get some rest. But at night, its the reverse since she is working, so she'd wanna call me cos she is awake and working.

And now, she's threatening divorce because "I am not facing up to "the problem", not meeting her expectation and playing victim." and told me to just pack up with my child, return to my mother's and she's not going to fight for custody because "that's my daughter." And she can live however she like.

Sorry for the really long rant.

I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers.

In case u guys are wondering. No, she's not a sex worker. In the healthcare line.

It doesn't help when I had tolerated my MIL staying with us, her MIL being a cultist in JW, bad mouthing me to my daughter in front of me (but fortunately, my daughter's close to me) and to add insult to injury - I had helped her find an excellent tenant for her house, got a really good rental price to contribute to her retirement income, and she doesn't have to pay a single cent when I repaired quite abit of stuff that's falling apart in her house. I did took back the repair costs from her later, to the tune of $5000 (and I overdrafted my credit card on some months for those repairs and replacements!), my MIL started whining to her sisters within earshot of my wife who later confronted me why I took money from my MIL.

What do u think I shld do? Should I just initiate or wait for her to initiate? Or maybe just pray and hope she will die in a random accident and at least things won't end messily.

Seriously, other than the lack of sex (when u are too fucking tired to even fap and cum; much less sustain an erection) and a single deaf ear (cause of which is unknown, specialists I had visited claimed it may be stress), I am really wondering if she had just went too far and kept asking for divorce on slightest things.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Same situation just div and fight for the kid

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

No reason to continue I suppose. If your daughter is not close to her, Than I suppose there simply no reason to stay on.

Instead of waiting for her to initiate, just go direct to the lawyer and serve her the divorce letters. Be proactive and shock her.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

yes shock and awe her so she has less time to prepare.
Surprise attack her wih divorce.
When you mention divorce, be ready to proceed asap with minimum delays. Else she got time to strategise, conjure evidence and play victim, its not to your advantage. Best go law firm and file divorce the next morning after you announced your decision to her (dont tell her u going law firm the next day though).

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Well the only advice I can offer is quickly go see a good lawyer, discreetly.

While you are there, tell the lawyer what do you want out of the divorce, and how to safeguard your cash (those in the account) and your asset(s).

The law works around facts, meaning you need to gather supporting evidence usually in terms of records, receipts etc to prove what is yours (same thing for your wife), if it cannot be proven then it could be shared. Sometimes it is better to empty the account first to hold on to the cash and then return back if judge ask you to return.

Good luck.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

1) However, looking back, I'd thought it would be good to be honest. -> Is/Was she completely honest with you as well? If no, you're looking at a flag, a big red flag. Anyway, talking abt body count. Women usually deflate their numbers and men do the opposite

2) After marriage, initially it was the once a month quarrel. It started from small things - from either doing things a little slow or perhaps it was my earnings, else it would be something else - a mistake from my past, etc. -> From what I learnt abt women in general. When they are in a dissatisfied relationship. They will start shit whenever they can.

3) After child was born, knowing full well that I am not earning a lot; - > You should NOT have a child with this woman in the 1st place. See pt 1 and 2.

4) One that just involves her demands for me to pick up the phone instantly, regardless - even when I am asleep after a long day's work. -> She has ZERO respect for you as a man, husband and father.

5) As for her, well... Your pt 1 to 11. -> Hohoho, she's trying to milk you dry before pulling the plug.

6) I do have every opportunity and ability to wring her for maintenance in the Family Courts if I do want, but I am not doing it cos I don't wanna touch a cent of hers. -> Please for the love of god. Milk her back, she doesn't give 2 cents abt you. For her, you're less than a human. It's a case of either you or her. Please get your balls back for the love of god and yr child.

7)

7) 4) She doesn't pay for the house except for the downpayment. 100% of the payment via my CPF.
5) She doesn't contribute to our joint account of $200 a month. I have to cover for her $200.
6) She doesn't contribute to our child's savings account of $100 a month.
7) She doesn't need to pay for the household bills.
8) She doesn't send the child to school at all (understandable since she's working night shifts, but its just a rant).
9) She coughs up $10K for the family car, borrows $10,000 from our joint account (which I had been contributing to silently monthly)
and another $20,000 from our child's savings account for her portion for the family car (which she returned it later) and I have been
paying all subsequent related expenses for the car thereafter. She doesn't even need to pay for petrol!!


You better keep a DETAILED record of all these expenses you forked out of yr own pocket. Bring them to a lawyer and file for divorce asap. If you wait till she file 1st, I am afraid it might break you. Divorces hurt men financially and emotionally MORE than women in general. Since she THREATENED you 1st. Better prep yourself and pull the trigger 1st and save yourself the hassle in the long run. Have some self respect. It's very common these days for SG women treat SG men like a potty. It's amazing you put up with it for 8 years. BTW, she's not insecure, she's DISSATISFIELD with YOU and the MARRIAGE.

Off the recorder: Which race do you belong to? And yr wife, race? local or foreign? Can pm me if you dont want to post it here.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Well, Just look at his expenses alone. if he persist. he will die a poor and broken man.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

There is no problem that cannot be resolved. Nothing is impossible. It only takes mental strength of Will for action needed.

A)Problem with wife:- a companion for life is either an asset or a liability.

At face value, she looks like a liability to the family - she does not love you or her child, & is dissatisfied with seemingly every effort you put in the family to hold it together.


B)Problem with husband:- to be fair, it's only your side that is heard, & not her side of the story. It takes 2 to clap.

Women have biological issues that affects her psychologically, which men do not go thru, & thus men must understand what she is going thru. It is the menstrual cycle EACH month, & thus the mood swings. Some women handle it well, but most do not, & need an understanding man to help her thru.

When she agreed to marry you, she had certain expectations of you for a future together. One of them which most women want is companionship, in the ideal sense - 9 to 5 job, decent salary, cosy after work hrs together, weekends spent in leisure & an annual vacation.

As you hold a credit card, it proves you have an income above $3k a month, with savings for future, thus a decent salary. However, when you take on 2 jobs, it means she longer sees you, left alone at home after work hrs, space for mental suspicions to grow on what you are actually doing outside of home, even if no hanky panky on your side.

Daughters are often closer to Daddies than with Mummies, probably because men are more indulgent, & often not at home to be critically watching over her than the mummy, & misunderstandings happen with the mother, which eventually alienates both, & could be the cause why your wife may not be close to her daughter than the father.

Solution:-

Talk is cheap & easy, but sadly, it's the only solution left to save the marriage. Divorce is easy even if messy, but the pain & emptiness will be a scar for life.

Find a time when you & her mood are better, sit down & discuss about the future. Return back to the starting point when you met & decided to get married, & find out why - what made you commit to each other. Find that love that still resides deep in your hearts, & use it to rekindle that flame to light the path for the future of your family.

Financial security is critical, but it is NOT everything. Most family can do without many material things in life & yet find happiness with each other. Strategize your family's financial need - discard that which is beyond your means, & manage that which you day job can offer - WITHOUT taking on another job so that you will have more time with the family & with her. Being married is NOT being single all the time without a partner to share the day.

Such efforts will NOT be overnite change, but only over time if each give other space & time to change. We Humans can no longer change the past, but we can still change the future, if the will power & love for the family still exists.

All the best to you. :)

Oh man, if i can say it out, u betcha ur balls i can back it up.

Chinese, Singaporean. If u are so keen to know.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Anyway, despite my best effort today. Still met with stony silence from her as she did not respond to any of my words at all when she woke up and prepped to go work.

For concerned bros who want me to make a pre-emptive strike, I had already sought the counsel of a lawyer. Female lawyer if anyone is keen to know. But she's not emotional at that, a tough cookie cutter who straight up gives me facts to the face and what to do. It was really enlightening given that she is really experienced and handled shiat like this. An hour well spent indeed.

Despite all the shiat, I have little intention of actually serving my spouse papers and seize the bull by its horns. I still wanna save the marriage if anything and I really hoped that I would nt need to seek the services of my lawyer and our little session is only up to that point. She hopes the same way too. But its just to get professional opinion so that I know I will not have my back to the wall if my spouse were to push me. I had built a door and if my spouse were to keep pushing, all I need to do is to open the back door and walk away.

Somehow, in times like these, it is a little comforting hearing from my child that she wants to marry me and actually drawing it out. In normal times, anyone would be creeped out. But I guess its kids way of expressing that highest level of love they have for their father.

I'll just gather whatever I could based on what my counsel tells me to. So on the assumption she decides to fire the first shot, I can counterclaim as a defendant with solid evidences of finances, etc in a explicitly short time.

Granted that divorces are still very adversarial and we can't even divorce on "irreconcilable differences" now. But I'll just spend the time just gathering stuff.

She expects a man at her beck and call. Unfortunately, its been 8yrs and no man can tahan this long. Yah, it had gotten to the point of me covering for her (even in housework), that my child forgets and calls me Mummy at times.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Give it time, brother. No change is gonna come overnite. Just be yourself, with a willingness to not just talk, but to act with understandings too. Actions will always be louder than words.

She is a Singaporean woman too, & they too are educated. It will take time to sink in. Furthermore, being a health worker in this terrible covid era would have taken a toll on her mentality. While most of us will live with this endemic courageously, the chances of her being infected is far higher than most, & seeing suffering mostly of the elderly, would have affected her mentality & mortality even if she is not in the risk group of 1%, being young.

We men are mostly mentally stronger than women. Be there for her, not by words, but by actions of love, the love that made both of you commit to each other.

Divorce may just be a word, but it comes with many, many PRACTICAL considerations, especially for men, not just financially but emotionally broken too. For the Sporean women, they may have financial security after a divorce, but with age catching up, looks & mentality will fade, & her options for a lifelong partner is far far limited than a SYT.

None needs to suffer. No Human is born to be lonely, more so after when we each experienced unconditional love in its purest form by parents, which can be duplicated in degrees to another that we seek to further the journey of life...

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Love her, go for counselling.

Don't love her, go for divorce.

It will be very difficult adjusting to a life without seeing your daughter as often as you do now, unless you get C&C, and rest assured your child will be weaponised against you. It will be very bad.

Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
 

Think you more or less have an idea on what to do. My guess, you're here to see with any of the views fits yours.

But my opinion still stands. I rather be the bad guy than the victim. Coz SG society is a gynocentric society. They dont pity male victims. Since you already made up yr mind, anymore words from me is kinda pointless. I pity yr child too. I know how it feels for the child, coz i got a shitty mother as well. Now, I am just waiting for her to die asap tbh. All the best for you then.

Yes and no.

I do have an idea on what to do if the push becomes a shove. But also posting here to vent steam (since she doesn't come here) and also to see what other bros would had done in my circumstances.

It takes a man to know a man's feelings.

I don't mind tanking things for her - bills, doing housework, etc. in fact, I had earlier realized that doing 2 jobs was so detrimental and exhausting to the point it put my clients at risk that I'd decided to stop. But personally, all I want is just a level of understanding and support from her just as I am supporting her right now.

She needs to go overseas trip with her patient (yah, I had seen her patient and her family)? Ok, please go. Take the time, breathe in the air of another country. Take a breather away from Singapore.

Reached home hungry and tired? Bed's prepped, food's ready. You could sit down, stretch your hand out and food's nicely plated for u.

Wanna trash talk others in personal capacity to vent? I'll listen. Maybe join in with the trash talking to validate what she's thinking. Don't particularly enjoy it.

After 8yrs of giving and hardly receiving (even though I had mentioned explicitly that I do not need new stuff and she should just save up instead of being a spendthrift, all I'd heard over the years are that "money's mine. Can u let me do something I enjoy?"), I have an idea how and what many Japanese Housewives are feeling. No, not the JAV kind where the female lead's constantly horny. But that whole, "Please show me an equal measure of love!" feels.

Short of hoping she will die in an accident (well, I guess she'll outlive me), my second hope would be she'd wake up her idea and be that kind of Mother that would live up to basic standards instead of a mediocre one.