[pomrakthai]

Someone PM me that he wanted to know the SOP for cheonging at ACE, well, ACE is not certified to ISO 9001 and definitely not to ISO 14001 too, but unfortunately there is an unwritten SOP (certifiable to ISO 6967) that seems to be practised by all cheongsters having fun at ACE.

Since he addressed me as Sifu, then maybe I can write a bit on the unwritten SOP for those uninitiated cheongsters coming to ACE:

(1) The map and location of ACE are given in my signature, if you are too lazy to check them out, please come to my ice-water stall and spend at least RM 100 on my special Sibeh-liar ice kacang, then I will tell you where is ACE, OK?

(2) When you reach the entrance (only 1 entrance for walk-in customers) don't hesitate to go in, otherwise you will miss the fun. When you are near to the only non-functional escalator, please DON"T STOP walking up or else those bouncers, acting like US airport security officers, will bark at you and even diao you kao kao as that landing place is a security zone, no loitering allowed.

(3) Walk up the stairs. Take the correct direction as the left hand side stairway is assigned as UP to 1st floor, and the right hand side one is for DOWN from 1st Floor. Wrong passage will get some fucking from those guard dogs. FYI, traffic control is VERY STRICT in ACE, only those take-off's (your clothes) and landings (piling into the tunnels) when inside the room, are not controlled by those ATC (Aggressive Traffic Cocks)

(4) At the end of the stairs, you will be like coming out of the exit of an airport arrival hall, where many, especially PRC WL's (of course no placard with your name written on it) will rush over to greet you (some with open arms) NOTE: This VVIP treatment is only used on you once, soon when they know that you are like Pom, the Mole-Zedong kiamsiap ice-water seller, even the flies also dun wan to hoover around you. Lets face reality.

(5) Now you are in wonderland, you have 2 options to choose:
(5.1) Find a seat to settle down - there are 2 sides namely the BRIGHT SIDE where everyone can see you and you can see everyone. The other side is the DARK SIDE, where sometimes you need to use torch lights to see your fingers. Normally WL's would like to tackle customers sitting in the BRIGHT SIDE. The DARK SIDE will allow you to see who and who had successfully trapped those poor cheongsters and drag them up the stairs to heaven or hell as you please.
(5.2) Dun sit down if you are kiamsiap, as by sitting down you MUST order a drink (eg, Kopi-o glass costs RM 2.90). If you can find an empty space or standing room along the railing (around 20 feet long) facing the Ho Chi Minh trail, then it is FOC until you get trapped or legs weakened from standing too long. Here, you will be constantly accosted by WL's especially by those Vietcongs, to go up to test drive or flip car driving (your luck)

(6) Once you are trapped and hooked by any WL, she will bring you (hand-in-hand by some WL's: or hand-in-pants by some WL's) up a special flight of stairs (like a flight path under strict ATC control) If you by mistake, unescorted by WL, step into that passage you will get a bright shine of a an LED torch with 20,000 candle light power, and get fucked by ATC if you refuse to back step.

(7) The price for a session ranges from RM 70 to RM 100 for Chinese through nego PLEASE DON'T SPOIL THE MARKET. If you have a lot of SGD and USD to throw at ACE, please use it to pay our cheonging but not to them. You will create an expensive aftermath when WL's realised that there are many water fishes will to pay SGD 100 instead of MYR 100 just like Bitcoin value, we poor cheongsters will die faster from burst balls due to can not afford to release sperms. Those pricing below RM 60 is reserved for Banglas and Myanmarese as their charter flights are more of a touch-an-go type.

(8) The WL will lead you to her room and any subsequent activitie and transactions are not covered by this ISO 9001 SOP. Cantonese used to say "JARB SANG" you own your destiny now.