[ilurbu]

dear EVO3,

I am truly sorry for your situation and my heart pours out to those brudders with sad stories. Some are in slightly better situations while others, pure tragedy.

What I realised after 6years plus of marriage is that familiarity does breed contempt and this happens to both husband and wife. It is both parties fault for not trying hard enough to keep the fire alive. This is due to the lack of mutually enjoyable activities, sex aside. cos I realise that most hobbies if mutually enjoyed are foreplay-like; such as sports, arts appreciation, etc.. For lack of a better way to say it, we (husband & wife) do not enjoy each others company as much as before. Mutual Reactions to all our opinions on daily matters are pre-programmed from many years of conditioning(living together). This further frustrates us both parties as we no longer find each other "refreshing". This, still is not as much a fault as when both parties stop wanting to know more about each other.

Remember when you're still courting, both sides are so driven to know and understand about each other that you spend every waking moment talking, communicating and truly absorbing the essence of what each other is like?

I think certain elements of ourselves are transposed onto the other party and it does require mutual self-reflection to want to make changes for the better. I hope there are opportunities for us to convince our wives that we do need to keep the fire burning not because of merely giving a "proper" family nucleus for the children but for the original reason of falling in love. In retrospect, a proper family nucleus does call for a pair of LOVING parents and not their mere existence as this cold relationship mentality of post marriage will be inherited by our children.

Now, we do want our kids to have a happy sex and love life ahead right?

I have both a son and girl, so I am looking at both sides of the coin.

Cheers and peace people.