[introperv]

Hi bro.

First of all, I'd commend you on taking the path less trodden and for making the decision to continue dating as a couple. It's not easy and I wish you the best of luck.

The decision to go to Vietnam to see where she lives, her family condition and meet them is the best thing you can do right now to dispel your fears. Only when you see, then you can believe. Meeting parents are a big thing in Vietnam, usually reserved for serious relationships, so that's a step in the right direction.

1. I think expectations should be communicated clearly between you and her. You expected her to tell you everything, but you were surprised to find out she was married before. Let's be clear here: was it a lie? she told you she was never married but you found out? Or, was it just convenient to keep it secret until a better time? There are some differences between the two, and vietnamese are guilty of the latter for whatever reasons (pride, fear)

So let her know how you feel, and tell her she needs to be honest with you to let you feel respected.

2. Don't be afraid to go ahead with this relationship with her. I wholeheartedly agree with WILHD, take the risk if you really love her. You both have had difficult pasts, and this could be the start of something beautiful. I don't think this other "rich" guy should be a problem. If you know her schedule, and she's honest about this person, you'll be fine.

3. Make sure you know some of her friends, and she also knows yours. That way, you and her can both be more accountable to each other if something (bad) happens. This also makes the relationship more transparent. Eventually you have to introduce her anyway...it will be a welcome move.

I can't comment on marriage because I am not married. But take the time to learn some vietnamese if you haven't, and immerse yourself in their culture as much as she immerses herself in Singapore. She will be very appreciative of that.

The naysayers aren't wrong in telling you to be careful, because we can't fathom the extent of scheming some vietnamese ladies have. But I will leave that with you, because only you will know what kind of person your girlfriend is and let no one else tell you unless facts present otherwise. I went through 6 months of my friends/colleagues constantly "advising" me not to date a vietnamese (because she had an iffy past), until one day they stopped and said it wasn't that bad after-all.

All the best brother. This comes from 2 years of dating.