[Reminisce88]

Hi everyone, it's been a long time ever since I visited here (called a pinoy FL on feb) and I didn't post a lot and definitely not noticeable but I do wish to seek opinion and advice for my difficult problems. Below is my story,


In the beginning I was very sexually driven and love to masturbate a lot since 13, not attractive and always looked fierce/wierd. So I started to read about this forum a lot for quite a while and finally on febuary last year, after fantasizing about great and incredible sex I couldn't take it anymore and decided to message this bro and asked him for the number of this pinoy girl. A lot of messed up by my part so girl became annoyed and we met in hotel anyway, right in the lobby with me carrying a schoolbag and preparing to go to school later. It was funny how I did it but we went to room anyway and she bathed and stripped and in a short while I was playing with her tits and kissing her, after that blowjob and sex was numb to me for reasons I didn't knew why as I am not picky on looks. Only reason I could think of was masturbating too hard/fast and too much.

After having sex with her I regretted as she asked for taxi fee, sms during sex and went off early about 30 minutes as well as fear of STD so I stopped looking for bonks and went to register and look for dating sites. There I tried contacting MANY LOCAL GIRLS* but most of them were cold, rude to me and some reject/not reply so I feel they are not at all interested in me (which was quite true). Then some foreigners chatted with me due to curiousity (comes and goes fast too) but I didn't gave up and worked hard to update and write my profile diligently while studying in school and finally while I was about to give up this girl (From Estonia, her profile reads ... I was like wtf is that place???)suddenly hitted up with me and got me surprised and so we chatted about sex and stuff as she seemed open about it. She praised me of how handsome and ideal I look for her after I confessed to her that I didn't look good as I had low self esteem back then, that really made my day. I also looked at her profile pictures, she had a few pictures of herself in bras and panties and a normal photo but I don't find her attractive ... but wierd looking and strange.

After that we chatted a lot more each day and started writing letters to each other, through there I found her to be very depressed and suicidal doing bad things like drugs, alcohol, smoking and sex and I tried to save her from all that. She even told me once day after she knocked out a guy with drink and raped him, that she felt empty and doesn't enjoy it at all. After that she confessed that fell for me, and I accepted. Slowly I taught her to stop harming herself and take care of herself and she started to be more positive and better person (looked better too as reflected on her new photos, everytime). She told me that her family are mostly Russian, and confessed all bad things she did in the past ... bfs she had, times of sex she had and etc and I decided to trust her and give her a chance.



We started to arrange this trip for me to go to her place, lots of problems and high ticket cost ($1.5k for a ticket to her place) but we managed to solve it ... I bought the tickets and she rented apartment. Everyone near me told me it's most likely a KC trap and told me not to fall into it by visiting her, but I strongly believed in my intuition foolishly for love and it turned out that I got everything I wished for ... a perfect girl who is good looking, cute, somewhat muscular, bit hairy and horny (due to sports) and very soft-spoken/gentle, we actually clicked quite well.

Our first meeting and night was so intense and I still could remembered our first hug ... and my first to so many things, but unexpected thing again with sex I felt almost close to no pleasure at all but everything else was perfect. As a couple we do have our fights and arguments but everything got stronger after such episodes. Then there is another thing with her smell* that I can't get used to, it smells fishy and heavy but normal for her and she taste it everyday ... so I am trying hard to overcome that instinct to avoid there* as it smelled bad for me, and taste sour. Sex to her, however was great according to her ... she usually came through vaginal intercourse alone few times and she have good muscles/stamina for it. More I get to know her more I see her good (very loyal and kind to friends and feels like a very devoted lover) and bad points, more I love her.

To me she has a great future as she is studying medicine in university, and very good in sports and could teach others for good pay, but is poor now and her place was hit very hard due to crisis, family problems. But I am already 21 and still studying poly but haven't finished NS and she didn't looked down on me at all accepting me fully who I am, ironically it was me whom was always mean and fussy on her.

So this time round we discussed for her to come to Singapore and see me, but I have to pay for all expenses as she is poor (250 dollars per month allowance only). She never told me to pay for anything but I feel that it is difficult for her to study uni and work at the same time so I made it that way, but I have my own share of problems as everyone near my started to fall ill and a lot of money is needed from our family. I come not from a rich family so we only have $2300 for 3 person, dad is ill and mom is ill ... medication adds up to like 500~600 a month and we need money for my parent's parents so money is a big big headache.

Recently someone in our family passed away, leaving us only with sadness ... more worries about the shared cost of funeral ... about future and about how am I going to do after conscription (NS).

I feel sad after our quarrell <--typo today whenever I thought about love and pleasure I feel sorry for her but I just couldn't tell her and have to keep from her because she doesn't deserve anything like this. She told me that no guys ever interested in her and I'm scared to leave her like that as we seemed so "unwanted" and not "attractive" people, with "wierd" personality.

Problems seemed to be a lot more often and frequent ever since meeting her (her horoscope even said that she might bring misfortune to people close to her, written by her mom) but I don't deny that it made me stronger and our relationship more stable. But sometimes I just couldn't take it any felt like running away like today, I am planning already to give up my pleasure to protect and love this girl my whole life. As to me this is a miracle love connected through 9000 over miles (with a single return flight alone taking nearly 36 hours)... but it is a very hard decision for me to make.

However if I decided to live with her then it's my karma as I used to think and call my mother being misfortunate as their side of family and her always ill and have many family problems, then I remembered my aunt always told me not to call other people ugly/fat/short/suay/stupid/crazy or insult them or next time karma will befall on your beloved ones. So this is my bad karma I am suffering now, believe it or not.