Quote:
Originally Posted by kengohchien
Thanks for your replies. I thought of not posting already because I know I am asking for advice, getting proper advice and logically, I already know what I should do, emotionally and sexually, I get confused.
First off, the sex is good. Given he is much older, he is so much more experimental than the other men I've experienced sex with - which by the way is a very pathetic four. LOL. so the people who are so keen and clogging my mailbox, really, i doubt you are going to get any action.
He even wants to try anal, which is like so exciting. heh.
He knows what he wants and knows how to demand it from me.
He knows how to sexually excite me even when i'm just in his car and knows how to reduce me to beg for more in bed.
I supposed i am a woman who secretly likes to be controlled in some perverse way.
and i think i must mention that before him i could just be sexually starved for a few months, maybe even six months? Which horrified my gay friends in whom i've been confiding in about my sex life.
So i like sex with him and i really enjoy it.
sometimes i resent the cuddly-up moments which hoodwinks me into thinking it's love - you know how we girls get confused in the end.
===
sex apart, i like talking to him. he is much older. i like the way he 'daddy-s' me when i say stupid things like how i want to kill self (no not suicidal lah!)
I don't know, i guess it is just chemistry.
whenever i'm stressed or need to get out, obviously i'd think of him.
i suppose we are a bit more ''stable'' now that we've been meeting up more. like i said, i know what i should do, but stupidly, i'm not doing it.
i guess it is also me. i have low self-esteem and sometimes i just feel so lousy i think i should be grateful someone wants to shag me. yet on occasion i have been told that i'm pretty.
Sigh. i am still leaving but have not tendered. and sometimes with the uncertainty in life, sometimes you just want to throw caution to the winds. or maybe it's wise to just stop thinking so much and just enjoy whatever or what it's worth. but to shut off the part of me which thinks and rationalizes - would i still be me?
so thanks for reading thus far, i am one confused girl. thanks to those who say i sound like a nice girl. nice to hear that, heh.
|
Sorry to hear about your dilemma sweetie...but FB is purely for the present...yet your mind is trying to make it into some sort of fairy tale love story...
As long as you enjoy his company and the sex with him...I do not see why you have to end it.
Why do you care if he is lying to you?? Does what he say make you feel good? Just like the sex? If your answer is yes, then he is good for you.
Despite what others have said and I do see their points of view...this is how life is...
You are young and you may or may not know how difficult it is in life, to find that one person who makes you hum and tingle in all the right places...whether done honestly or through lies...who cares?!?!?!
Do you have a future with him? Define future...the next one year? the next 10 years? Till death do you part?
Sorry to be blunt here but even his wife cannot be certain of the 'till death do you part' time frame...
As long as you are enjoying your life with him around you, then enjoy it.
I am not bullshitting you and you know this...the pain WILL come...with FB, because there is no commitment (which is the whole point of having a FB)...so it should not last the distance.
However, my point of view is this...why bring forward the pain?
You know you will suffer for this relationship...let's say you have been with him for a year now...the pain will probably be the same as after you have been with him for ten years...
The return on (your emotional) investment will be much better to suffer the pain (albeit maybe a tad more...or, it could be less if he turns into an arsehole before the due date and you find the strength to walk out on him on you own accord...) for a ten year period of enjoyment instead of a one year enjoyment term.
Please do not misunderstand me...I am not saying you should not try to find a suitable BF while you hang out with him...but according to you...not many men measure up...so for now...he is all you have in terms of qualified lover...
Don't freak him out, don't give him ultimatums...just enjoy being with him...accept the attention he gives and stop concerning yourself with whether it is real...you are enjoying it right? Then it is real.
Do you really think that all couples are always honest and real with each other? You are in a sex forum, how many couples are in here together, chatting and sharing ideas?? Yes there are some but those are the minority...do NOT corner yourself into thinking that a real boyfriend would love you more...there is not point in getting more love if you do not feel it.
You do feel the closeness with him? Great...enjoy it...too many people in this world do not get that even with their spouse, GF/BF...
Women often wonder why guys still cheong when we have gf or wife at home...I can't speak for all the other bros in here...but for me...I used to cheong because I was looking for what you have....that closeness, that physical attraction...that chemistry...and that great sex...if not with this woman, then maybe with the next...
I know that when I find her...I will hang on for dear life...will she lie to me? Will she be with me forever? Will she change and what we have may all be lost? I do not know and frankly sweetie...I do NOT care...so long as I am having a blast with her and I am loving it...if the pain comes later...I will deal with it then....if the pain doesn't come...then I shall whisper a big thank you to the heavens and love her a little bit more every day...
You are falling into the trap of social norms...there is no social norm for FB...it just is...take it or leave it...but my only question to you is this, sweetie...How sure are you that by leaving him, you will be happier??
If you cannot answer me that you are certain you will be happier, then you are gambling with your own happiness by walking out on someone who can make you happy right now.
Same goes for changing the nature of your relationship with him...if you are not sure that by changing him from a FB into a BF will make you much happier, then don't toy with it...be grateful for what you have in the way that you have it...
Please think about what I have said even though it may not be what you want to hear...I do not believe in using other people's strength of conviction when it comes to my own matter of the heart...we are all wired differently and logic may or may not help...what's important is to be happy for the present.
Best of luck. :*