Quote:
Originally Posted by kengohchien
Hi everyone. Thanks for all your replies.
I thought i'd get slammed for being stupid (which of course i think i am, since i'm hoping for something that isn't really possible. Also the fact that i entered the relationship knowing that he probably just wanted an FB and now me seeking love, it's me being stupid really.
Thanks for all your PMs too. Alot of ppl in this forum are kind... not really what i was expecting because i expected alot of sardonic and well, it's a sex forum after all, so all the jaded-with-sex-tales-tirade people.
I think a couple of you talked about being unfair to his kids because he is married. yes, he has kids.. and ....
they are my age.. so they're not exactly school-going children but have moved out.. hence the empty-nest syndrome. i think i'm going to get blasted for being FB with a man so much older, but truth be told, i have a liking for older men. Younger men seem immature to me. I don't really go for looks, i guess it's chemistry. So it's his wife always being overseas and him being free with time on his hands, and me a person a little sick with her mundane job and seeking a little excitement.
Most of you are right - i have over-stepped the boundaries of being an FB. i never expected it would come to this. i thought i could differentiate between sex and love and i didn't know i could fall for someone so much older. So i just went ahead. the sex is good, but i like the post-sex cuddles and little whispers and closeness. Maybe that's when i started falling for him.
i find that because i am hurt that he is merely treating me as a sex object, i go on the defensive sometimes. i guess in some ways i am indirectly pushing him away. i ignore him at times because i feel unfairly treated, i tell myself that he just wants sex when he does nice things to me. i am essentially a bit of a wreck.
But you know how women are. sometimes we just self-torture and i don't know why.
I know what i should do, but i can't do it.
and i don't want to tell any of my friends because they'll just judge me for being with a married man who is so much older.
Thanks all again.  your replies mean alot to me because i've only had one gay friend to share this with so far. |
I agree with you... Older men are always more attractive to me as well.
Reading your posts strike a chord within me. I can feel you, and at the same time I know how much it sucks to be feeling this way right now. I think the best piece of advice I can offer you at the moment is to think through thoroughly and then make a firm decision on what you want - whether it is to stay purely as an FB, or to cut off contact from him completely.
You should've known that an FB relationship is merely about sex, and any niceness he shows to you has nothing to do with love and everything to do with lust. You should also know that it is virtually impossible for him to put down all he has right now - his wife, his kids, or to put it simply, his family - for you. He has too much to lose and frankly speaking, I don't think any sane guy would do just that, UNLESS he too has fallen head over heels in love with you, which I think is highly unlikely.
If you want to stay in this relationship, then you have to know your limits and boundaries. You have to curb your emotions (although I know how difficult this sounds already) because to have emotions involved in this relationship will potentially ruin it in time to come. Most importantly you should never let him know you're head over heels in love with him because that might scare him away, especially if he is very fearful about losing what he has right now.
I know this sounds awful but the only thing you can do at the moment is love him silently, from a distance. And hopefully when you meet the right guy who can satisfy you emotionally, you will move on and start a family of your own with a guy who loves you and whom you love as well. You have to know that there is no future with this married man, as much as you wish for things to have turned out otherwise.
All the best to you girl, I hope everything works out fine for you at the end. Stay strong and keep us updated on how things go.