[Wahlaoposh]

Backstory: 19yo now. Have had deep rooted depression for years (Probably since mid primary sch i think). Kept it all bottled up until I started studying polytechnic, broke down mentally. Went doctor, started taking medication and took a year break from poly. Went back to poly after that, then realise I had no passion for what I was studying. No idea what I actually want to study or what I had an interest in. Fell into depressive episode again and didn't go to school. I wanted to dropout but didn't have the energy to bring it up. So I just disappeared from school and my exams until I failed everything and was dropped from the course. Decided that it was for the best that I took a break and think about it.

Wanted some time to think by going NS but get rejected due to the depression. Even tried appealing with doctor's help (Even he agreed I could at least be E9), still rejected. PES F. Made me feel unwanted(I'm over that now though).

Now working part time job while deciding how to continue my education. I'm not even sure if I can apply for poly again given my record of being dropped from a course.

I do plan to continue my education at some point when I find something I have passion in. But seeing all my secondary school friends going through poly with flying colour and receiving offers from local unis makes it very discouraging. Like by the time they graduate uni I will still be years behind them.

I know theres no shame in being a late bloomer in studies but there is this feeling I cant shake off. Like I grew up with all these expectations on me and now I'm not fulfilling any of them.

My parents have been supportive of me since I took the break/dropout from poly. Telling me to take it slow. But I feel deep down that I've let them down.

Ok backstory over. Now time to ask for advice.

Will I have any trouble applying for poly based on my record of failure due to no show and dropped from course? My grades before my mental breakdown were decent, and my O level is decent too. Or would I have to make my case to the poly and they will consider it kind of thing?

Is anyone else here late bloomer for learning? Any advice you can give? How was the experience going back to school with people younger than you?

Ok now relationship advice.

I know I'm not financially stable or mature enough for a serious relationship. Never dated anyone before, more introverted than most. But the feeling of loneliness is pretty bad. How do people cope? Or do you just start dating even when you have nothing (no qualifications no money)? Will anyone even date a person like me?

Or maybe I just cope by cheonging with FLs/MLs or try hooking up on dating apps. Chase the stress relief but not the emotional side.

What age do you think is normal to start a serious relationship? When you're studying? When you have a stable job?

Ok thats all the questions I have. Thanks for taking your time to read my very personal and private problems. I am asking here on SBF because the age distribution is wider, got people with more life experience.

Sorry if these questions seem immature/nonsensical to you older folk but I'm a troubled young guy needing advice.