[dongdongchiang]

Hi TS,

i am in the same spot as you. I dont feel exceptionally attached to anyone, but i've been through depression myself. Since 2018, i've started doing things alone, traveling alone and also, drinking alone. Prior to that, i was the kind where I've always wanted to go out with people, and i cannot sit and eat alone. So its quite a 180 degrees change for me.

But when i sat down and kinda talk to myself, some conclusions i've arrived to was:
- Everyone is way ahead and im alone. It's a negative thought but it is the truth that i am feeling that way
- Relationships have harmed me in many ways possible. My last relationship failed because of communication. But when i was forced to the corner where I had to make a choice between her and this group of friends, i knew my heart died there. So yeah, i broke up with ease.
- I am indeed purposeless. I dont feel a sense of purpose, but a heart filled with void. The saving grace to why i am still alive, is because this new job was what i wanted, and i have been motivated day by day. Eventually, i've managed to set goals where i want to be.

Some people debated about my choice, but i don't care. I used to if i was younger.

The current self now can walk away from a date if i feel offended. That's how extreme i am now. Not sure if that's the case for you.