Broke off with girlfriend who was a close friend in my circle of friends

benjiholic · #1 09-02-2010, 02:10 PM

Anyone broke off with your girlfriend who was very close to your circle of friends? Especially when the breaking up is a very violent one ?

Well I have and the feeling after that was really fucked up. I cant find any other way to describe it but fucked up. I had a girlfriend, lets call her J. We had a real roller coaster relationship having really hot momments and really cold momments whereby she could even see another guy behind my back. The hot momments were really great and we were in love. Anyways back to the point. J was a really close friend to all my buddies and brothers. She would talk to them and even complain bout me. That was not disturbing to me cause guys wouldnt really bother. But what disturbed me was that she would help me lower my chances with those girls i knew and make sure they knew how 'bad' i was by making up stupid stories. By now you guys would have guessed what would happen if me and her were to break up. All the girl-friends i have already had a bad impression of me before i even broke up with her. Imagine after we broke up. Well sure enough, we broke up cause she was kinda tough to handle being a real pain in the ass. After we broke up, all my imaginations actually came true. All my friends kinda turned on me and blamed me and actually left. Girls, needless to say. I was branded as a totally different person. Stuff i didnt do started coming and hitting me and yea soon i loss all my chances at a girl that i knew and i had to get back female contacts all over again.

I know this situation seems kinda inmature, but honestly speaking, such relationships really turned my life around.

cablesnwires · #2 10-02-2010, 10:28 AM

Bro TS, why worry about what the other thinks? If your friends chose to believe her than you, then they are not really your friends anymore. So why keep them?

It is good now that you have discovered who your friends really are, this is just a small issue. Friends come and go, and there is no point to wallow over what had happened. Just take it as part of the learning curve.

There are more setbacks and obstacles in time to come. Wishing you in advance a Happy Lunar New Year.

Cheers...

sammyboyfor · #3 10-02-2010, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by benjiholic

Anyone broke off with your girlfriend who was very close to your circle of friends?

You should NEVER allow girlfriends into your inner circle of close friends. You're simply asking for trouble.

Many have made this mistake and have paid for it dearly in more ways than one.

Xgenre · #4 10-02-2010, 11:30 AM

Find and join a new circle of friends. There are so many people around in this world. Sooner or later, time will fade bad memories and people will see that you aren't so bad.

BoLiang · #5 10-02-2010, 01:13 PM

well, at least you know who are your true friends and who are those "hang-around" friends. No big deal, you make more as you grow. As for the trouble making pussy, you have 1 good experience in your bag to deal with it.

Wisdom must be earned, not grant.

simple2kee · #6 10-02-2010, 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BoLiang

well, at least you know who are your true friends and who are those "hang-around" friends. No big deal, you make more as you grow. As for the trouble making pussy, you have 1 good experience in your bag to deal with it.
Wisdom must be earned, not grant.

bro benjiholic, take this advice to heart.

colins · #7 11-02-2010, 12:19 AM

bro ben, if I am one inside your circle of friends, believe you me that I also have ears to listen and eyes to see. Like if your girlfriend is inside our flocks and you break up with her, I wouldn't expect you telling me that she's the most happening angel in the world what. So that also means that whatever shit you're gonna say about her, I'll discount by at least half first before making any judgement. That is normal and I'm sure your friends are also like that.

Normally as friends, we listen to the fellow who needs the most empathy la, or rather the party who appears to need that collective empathy. Who never got hurt from relationship before? Then after the show's over, we just make sure we dun get both of you out together next time lo, simple as that. Friends are friends, we dun sleep together we dun dress each other up until we become unbearably tough to even have a chat right? Your family problem why should I get involved.

But if you become unusually self conscious about the breakup or when you are the party doubting everybody's opinion about you, that means something is wrong liao. You got something to hide, if not why can't you be truthful? If I have known you for years and something like a breakup comments is going to affect my opinion about you, then I am trying to meddle too much liao. If you are worried about bad reputation, you probably already have one.

For me, if you dun feel like talking about, then dun talk la. Dun need to isolate yourself becos you think I know about your dirty linen. Breakup already feel down is normal what. Reputation is not built in one day, if you friends know you for who you are, trust them to know what to do. Just dun hide from them.

Ichigo_Kurosaki · #8 11-02-2010, 12:33 AM

Deleted post.
Wasting my time

BlackerKnighter · #9 11-02-2010, 03:25 AM

Agree with Bro Colins. Sorry to TS or maybe coz u never supply enough detail but your approach to r/s, friendship is like you say really a bit bit immature lor.

Anyway interpersonal behavior in small groups is quite diverse, dynamic and changing. So unless you can say more (coz got other factor to consider )oso hard for any bro or sis here to really take ur side and sympathize wholesale with you or be opposite and say you the problem child leh.

Coz we not you, not ur ex, not the other people in ur group (but seems you more concern about the views of the chicks with view towards future advance and offensive kind) mah so very hard to say oso lah.

Correct me if I am wrong but you are probably quite young (you said you only SEVENTEEN in another thread). When you are much older your friendships will have oredi gone thru much much more so even if the event of not just break up of 2 members in group but like ugly divorce kind I think the test is even more siong tio boh?

Anyway friendship in a group cannot be focused on a single or narrow band of issues one. That kind of friendship is weak and easy to destroy. Oso hor My experience is that if we are real friends we oso must learn to overlook our weaknesses and failings. And if u friends for 10-20yrs it is of coz diff from 3 month acquaintance mah.

I have more than a few close friends who divorced uglily before and while not say wash dirty linen both parties oso have expressed their feelings in private. Of coz lah we all frenz cannot talk in time of crisis watz the point tio bo? But if you mature enough you oso take things in stride not say one ear in one ear out but counsellor is must play but oso not to extent of you fundamentally changing ur opinion of the other party si boh (unless got other complicating factors)?

Anyway dont sound like u are concern about friendship per se (both fraternal and opp sex platonic kind) but worry more about ur chance with future prospect. totally diff issue le. In that case if you have nothing really to hide why be scared la?

People are not blind and gullible all the time. They can be swayed by negative propaganda and rumormongering on occasion but in the end oso got to see if tally with their own past, present and future experience with the maligned party. If ur rep can be brought down in a few days then maybe it was constructed on a paper house and not real oso? But if there is solid grounds then bian kia eh!!! So relak la bro, it is not a real problemo at all!

devils_whore · #10 11-02-2010, 06:28 PM

Stuff that you didnt do started coming and hitting you? and bcos of that you lost all ur chances at a girl that u knew??????
there is a simple solution to this you know?
go out, see a gal that you like or that interest you
then from there its up to you on how you make the deal upon her

my thinking is if i lose another gal today, heck!
theres always another gal tomorrow......
and one thing i always remember when trying to court a gal is
try first, get or no get that is another chapter

HCISB · #11 12-02-2010, 01:26 PM

everything had it's expire date or sometime is just a transition .. if u are uncomfortable with ur current circle of friends just move on with ur focus on career or have another circle of new friends to kill time. be it u r a jerk or a Mr.Nice from the broke off... 清者自清 . I had a friend is worst case den u. The ex of her's badmouthed in circle of friends. The ex's closed friend badmouth her at her work place caused her to lost her job too. and damn luck she have...the next bf 's mother went same church with the ex's friend. well end up the mother of her bf heart attack....there goes the relationship.

it needs two hands to clap. just that the broke-off though but sometime when a person can't take the blow they like to do things to the extream like the movie My Ex or badmouthing or brainwashing ppl's impression .
After all take this as a chance to see who's ur real friend cause those who are don't bother for those who bother and believe let them be .

If it really still affect u for wooing another girl den u try to get girls out of the circle and highlight her about this first . same thingy if she trust u she will believe u. but if u r still a jerk blame no one.