Back Stabbed - from a friend to friend

[shadowlunar04]

Hi there, I had to start a new thread to seek some advices out there. Here goes,

I had a friend, knew him since secondary school, can say he is my blood brother. He had just go steady with his current gf not long ago. You see, this friend of mine is a below average guy, in terms of looks and career. He has been trying to court gals since he came out to work, about 8 years. I can say his sucessfully rate is below 20% and all the breakups were initial by the gfs. I really pitied him.

I also know his current gf (she was one of my ex-colleagues who happened to join my friend's company last year, I came to know only few months back), and helped him to court this ex-colleague of mine. I knew my friend was courting her, so sometimes I asked her out to put in good words for my friend. Things went well and my ex-colleague went steady with my friend.

The incident started when I was shopping with another close friend of mine (army friend), knew him since army days, about 10 years. We met my blood brother and his gf at Raffles City Shopping Mall. We introduced one another. I didn't know this army friend of mine also took fancy on my ex-colleague then.

4 of us did went out twice. It was then my army friend got the contact number of my ex-colleague. They started seeing each other and going out. This was done without my knowledge until my friend called me this afternoon and told me the whole thing. I called my army friend and ex-colleague to confirm. Both of them admitted to it. Worse still, my friend threatened to whallop my army friend. I spent a few hours, on and off, trying to pacify my friend.

I'm in Batam now. I wanted to go back to help my friend to settle the matter in peace. But, I couldn't, because of the job commitment here, I have to stay back a few more days. I'm in dilemma right now. All I can do is call my friend and try to talk some sense into him. But, it's difficult because he has a rather bad temper.

Dear bros, pls help to suggest something useful which I can use it immediately or at least stall it until I get to the country. Thanks for the help and advices.

Pls do not give useless comments or luo jing xia shi (throw stones down the well). I don't need that right now.

[rahl]

Sounds like a difficult situation for you to solve, bro. Why not pass the buck? Your close friend has any family members or mutual friends who can talk some sense into him in the meantime?

[tittyhawk]

When matters of the heart are involved, its especially hard to dissolved. Its not your fault, dont drool over it.

Matters like this is best let it takes its own course, coz no matter how much you invest your effort in, it aint going to turn out the way you want it to be.

My suggestion - Said what you have to said although you will feel guilty towards your friend, but there is nothing you can do at this moment. I assume your female friend also express interest in going out with your army friend so its not entirely your fault.

Just my humble one cent worth..

[cumminology]

Bro, this is a very tough situation you got yourself in. But seriously all's fair in the game of love. Moreover they are all adults with choices of their own. You should advise your friend that maybe it is better this way, since if she treasure their relationship, she would not go out with your army friend. She's treating the relationship this way now, it's sooner or later this may happen. Even if he beats up yr army friend, it won't change a thing. The girl is not an object, therefore she chose to do what she do. Tell your friend to look at it from this aspect and try to move on.

[shadowlunar04]

Seriously speaking, when it comes love matters, I don't want even want to touch it, if I have a choice. But, I can't.

Main reason is because I encouraged my friend to court my ex-colleague. I also persuaded my ex-colleague to accept my friend's courtship. I started out doing it as a good deed but it ended up in a mess.

I don't want to finger point who is right and who is wrong. What I want is to solve this in a peaceful manner. If I can pull out, I will definately pull out, trust me on this bros. You can say I'm guilty or whatever. But I feel that I have partial responsibilty on this matter. If any of the parties get hurt, I will feel very guilty.

[onion_rings]

Bro seems like u have a tricky situaction right now..From your writing can sense your buddy not only wanted to wallop him..But to kill him too..Knn yr army friend buay swee..But that's not the point..Cos what u should really do is try to advise & inform your army friend to avoid yr buddy at all cost 1st(which i think u should'nt)..Just to avoid a bloodbath..Try also to keep track of what your buddy will do & tell him getting a criminal offences for this woman not worth it lah(sui xin yang hua)..Also remind your buddy that ur very sorry(not bcos u recommend yr army fren to him leh..But u will lose such good buddy sort of) & also think of his own family too..I can understand he will most probably still go for him..Unless yr army pal also that kind of hot headed type..If not he will also heed your advise & wait for u come back asap to settle the bad blood of your buddy & friend..Most importantly advise your army pal & her new GF not to answer his call anymore..Cos worry your buddy definitely will hurl abuses & make your army friend very angry too..

Hope it will help you & dun worry so much..

[DNAT]

I think --- just leave it to those parties invovled .. that 2 guys and the gal ... you just intro them as frens, its up to the 3 of them to mix and match. - This is a freedoom of choice world.

sorry if I sound cynical

[shadowlunar04]

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back.

[onion_rings]

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back.

All e best to u bro...Hope it will turn out fine as u want it to be...

[DNAT]

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

Thanks for the advices, bros. Think I have to go offline for the night. Just called my friend, I think the situation is getting out of hand. I going to back now, hope I can catch the last ferry back.

I hope things get settled at your end ...
take penguin .. last ferry from Btm Ctr to Sg = 11pm + Sg time

[diesel]

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

I had a friend, knew him since secondary school, can say he is my blood brother. He had just go steady with his current gf not long ago. You see, this friend of mine is a below average guy, in terms of looks and career. He has been trying to court gals since he came out to work, about 8 years. I can say his sucessfully rate is below 20% and all the breakups were initial by the gfs. I really pitied him.

From this paragraph, I suppose your blood brother is about the same age as you.

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

I also know his current gf (she was one of my ex-colleagues who happened to join my friend's company last year, I came to know only few months back), and helped him to court this ex-colleague of mine. I knew my friend was courting her, so sometimes I asked her out to put in good words for my friend. Things went well and my ex-colleague went steady with my friend.

The second paragraph tells us that you are doing a good deed for your blood brother because of his failure in past relationships with girls.*Taken note that you have explained in your first paragraph.

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

The incident started when I was shopping with another close friend of mine (army friend), knew him since army days, about 10 years. We met my blood brother and his gf at Raffles City Shopping Mall. We introduced one another. I didn't know this army friend of mine also took fancy on my ex-colleague then.

I suppose you are more than 28 years old (calculated approximately after 10 years from now). At this age, you can't solve by your own?

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

4 of us did went out twice. It was then my army friend got the contact number of my ex-colleague. They started seeing each other and going out. This was done without my knowledge until my friend called me this afternoon and told me the whole thing. I called my army friend and ex-colleague to confirm. Both of them admitted to it. Worse still, my friend threatened to whallop my army friend. I spent a few hours, on and off, trying to pacify my friend.

Why did four of you go out together? You must be the one who arranged the outing because your ex-army mate (fantasized of your blood brother's girlfiend; quoted from a highlighted sentence in pale green colour in 3rd paragraph) must have suggested to organise one. Partial fault lies on you too. Do you admit?

You have spent hours pacifying your friend? Which friend? You have so many friend. Your blood brother now becomes your friend. Supposedly, you have file a court appeal to CJ YPH, your case will be dimissed right away by the judical panel. Of course, I know you must be referring to your army mate.

How or what have you pacified to your army mate? My dear shadowlunar04, it has nothing to do with your army mate or your blood brother. However, from your incomplete story narrated, the actual causer could be your your ex-collegue who is your current blood brother's girlfriend. At this point, clear 'boh'?

Originally Posted by shadowlunar04

I'm in Batam now. I wanted to go back to help my friend to settle the matter in peace. But, I couldn't, because of the job commitment here, I have to stay back a few more days. I'm in dilemma right now. All I can do is call my friend and try to talk some sense into him. But, it's difficult because he has a rather bad temper.

You are one funny chap leh. Since you know what to do (from the above sentence highlighted in yellow-green colour), why are you asking for help from us? What can you do if you are back?

You already know it is difficult to give him advice because he is on the "boiling point" at this stage and can't listen to you. Then, why do you want still want to talk to him?

[Castrol]

i think the army friend is fucked up.
even if it is the girl who took the initiative, the army friend should check with bro shadow first, not go out with her secretly.

will this army friend go out with bro shadow's gf if he ever gets the chance? no brainner this.....
i'd say dont fuck care both fucked up army friend and girl, tell the blood bro if the girl come back to him now also not shiok already lah. move on.

just a piece of friendly advice in general, it is best not to intro too much; gf, bf, friends, colleagues, relatives etc...
something bad happens, and there you are in the middle!

[rahl]

Originally Posted by Castrol

i think the army friend is fucked up.
even if it is the girl who took the initiative, the army friend should check with bro shadow first, not go out with her secretly.

I dont agree with this.

First, no need for bro shadowlunar to feel guilty. What he did was neutral. What happened next was the actions and decisions of mature adults.

Two, its unfair to make judgement on anyone involved unless you know the case deeply. Things like relationship, where feelings are concerned, are very hard to rationalise like black and white.

It sounds to me like the army friend and gal are just getting together and developing something. Is the main concern now to inform shadowlunar and ask for his opinion?

You might ask, why didnt the gal tell the bf about her new relationship. Wont she not know about his past and his bad temper?

Relationships start and some relationships fail. Who to blame? I wont be so sure as to blame anyone for certain in this case.

My two cents. Cheers.

[Cheri_Popper]

It takes two hands to clap. All of them are adults and have make their own choice. There is nothing much you can do right now.

I can understand your close friend's feeling of being "back stabbed" but remember it really takes both hand to clap.

If the 3rd party isn't your army friend, there will be someone else!! It seem that their relationship is not that strong.

Tell your friend that even if she don't leave him for another guy now, it will be a matter of time that she will leave him for another person. As long as she is not married to him, she still have her right to choose who she wants to be with!

Hammering him is not worth it and it will not solve the problem. It could also lead to a Police case. Your friend might be charged for Sec 323 Cap 224 Volunatarily Causing Hurt. If during the fight your friend accidentally "kill" the other person it is worth it to be charge for Culpable Homocide Not Amounting To Murder (Manslaughter) where he will have to spend nearly a decade behind bars??

What is yours will always be yours. If it is not mean to be there is no point of carrying on the relationship.

Tell him to cool down and think about it. Don't ever let anger and "face" ruin his life! There are many other fishes in the Ocean!

Take Care Bro Shadowlunar04

[Phucker]

aiyah, just tell your fren that this kinda zao sai gf not worth getting into trouble for lah. wanna kill or beat ppl bcos of a gal then better make sure the gal's worth it.

she can zao sai your fren, i bet she will zao sai your army fren eventually, just a matter of time only....thats what we call retribution.

life goes on, plenty of gals out there. why ruin his future over a woman