Red indian & Japanese jokes uncensored

[dmtpl]

Hi Guys,
I came across this jokes and want to start a short thread on it, so it wont get mixed up with the other joke threads. Please note I'm not targeting any Races, and its not personal. Hope you enjoy it!

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There was a Japanese who went to America for holiday.
On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.
During the journey,
a Honda drove past the taxi.
Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again,
the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled,
"Toyota, v...ery fast! Made in Japan!"

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time,
the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet.
And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport.
The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"

There upon, the driver yelled back,
"Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

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The US goverment made treaties with the Indians that would stand
as long as the rivers shall run,

the grass shall grow and the mountains shall stand
– or ninety days– whichever comes first.

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A Cheyenne guy went to Chinatown in San Francisco.

While there he found a bronze rat at a thrift store.
"How much do you want for the rat" he asked.
"$3 for the rat and $1000 for the story that goes with it" said the shopkeeper.
"Just give me the rat," the Cheyenne said, and then he left with it.
As he walked down the street he noticed a couple of rats following him.
As he walked further, more ...and more rats started chasing him.
By the time he got to the bay, there were thousands of rats chasing him.

So he climbed up a pole and threw the bronze rat into the water.
To his amazement, all the rats jumped into the water.
The Cheyenne then returned to the thrift store.
"Ahh" the china man said. "Now you would like to hear the story?"

"No" said the Cheyenne,
"I just came back to see if you had any bronze white men!"

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Did you know that vegetarian is actually a Sioux word, created thousands of years ago in America ?

In English it means "F*cker cannot hunt"!
.

[dmtpl]

A Japanese, an Italian, and an Australian climb Mount Fuji.

At the summit, the Japanese guy says that it is tradition to throw
an offering off the mountain as a sign of respect for nature.

He then throws some rice.

The Italian throws some pasta.

The Australian throws the Japanese guy off.

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An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip,
but he hates Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if
there's any place around where he can get American food.

The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver.
The concierge gives the businessman the phone number,
and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.

Thirty minutes ...later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.

The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably.

He asks the delivery man, "What the heck did you put on this pizza?"

The delivery man bows deeply and says,

"We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only." (pepperoni)

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After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.

"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.
She can't possibly be mine."

"Nonsense," the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair,
one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
...
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Oriental."

"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"

The man seemed ashamed.
"I've been working very hard for the past year.
We only made love once or twice a month."

"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently.

"It's just rust

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Best read with a Japanese accent:

Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door.

A Japanese delivery man is clutching a clipboard,
pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling,
"You sign, you sign!"

The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door.

The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose,
gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting, "You sign, you sign!"

Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts,
once again insisting that the president sign for the goods.

Mandela loses his temper and yells, "Look, I don't want these.

Do you understand? You have the wrong person."

Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks,

"Ah soh. You not Nissan Maindealer?"

.

[eeemen]

Good stuff bro, thanks for making a day like this lighter , cheers ................................

[dmtpl]

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a
small town and went to a bar.

He stood at the end of the bar,
ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke
rings.
After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air,
an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said,
"One more remark like that and I'll smash your face in!"

(*for those who don't get it..Smoke Signals)

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New Indian Tribe

When the new school year started the history teacher was so excited
because there were three Red little Indian boys in her class.
She was beside herself with excitement.

So she asks the first little Indian boy to stand up and tell
the class what tribe he was from and how he knows this.

The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his chest and
takes his fist and hits it on his chest.
He says in a booming voice, "I am a Cherokee.
My Father and I walked for many moons and one day my Father says son,
you see all this land.

This is Cherokee land. So, I know I am a Cherokee".

The teacher says very good and asks the next little Indian boy to stand.
The little boy stands up and proudly throws out his
chest, takes his fist and hits it on his chest.

He says in a booming voice, "I am a Comanche. My Father and I
walked for many moons and one day my Father says son,
you see all this land.

This is Comanche land. So, I know I am a Comanche".

The teacher is growing more excited by the moment and asks the
last little Indian boy to stand up.
The little boy stands up and
proudly throws out his chest, takes his fist and hits it on his
chest.
He says in a booming voice, "I am a Fuckawee."

The teacher looks dumb founded.

She says, "I don't think there
is any such tribe as the Fuckawee."
The little boy says, "My Father and I walked for many days and
many nights.

And many nights and many days.
We ran out of water,
but we kept walking. With no rest, we were getting weary.

Finally, one day my Father stops and with his hand to shield the sun from
his eyes, looks around.

"He said hmm, where the Fuckawee?"

.

[Syrus]

i was laughing hard in the office... nice one TS~

[kerjasama]

Hi TS, great stuff. I am still laughing, especially the Fuckawee tribe.
Allow me to add a little one. Hope you don't mind using your thread.

A Japanese visitor arrived in Hawaii on his first trip and very eagerly went to the bank to change his Yen to USDs. A few days later, he wanted to change more Yen to USDs and went to the same bank. This time round, he received less than when he first changed on his arrival, and he ask,

"Ah so. Why so much less than before?"

The banker gave him a short reply, as he was busy counting all the money. At that point, the Japanese became very angry and just punched him in the face, and shouted at the same time, "Fxxx you Americans!"

At the police station, the detective asked the visitor why he punched the banker and shouted vulgarity. He answered, "the banker provoked me by saying, "Fxxx you Asians!".

"Oh no," the banker replied, "what I say was - fluctuations, meaning the exchange rates go up and down".

[JERK-KAN]

TS ...

Well done ! HAd a good laugh !

Just upped you !

[sanlee]

Once, there was 3 chinese people who wanted to go to America.

Their names were Bu, Chu, and Fu. Since these names would sound awfully weird, Bu said, "I'll change me name to Buck, adding ck to the end."

Chu then said, "then I'll become Chuck."

After a long pause, Fu said, "I guess I'll go back to China."

[sanlee]

Q: What's the difference between a Mosquito and a blonde?

A: On slapping a Mosquito, it will stop sucking.but......?

[sanlee]

I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, "but I don't know her size."

"Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours."

"Will there be anything else?" the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.

"Now that you mention it," he replied," she also needs some tampons."

[sanlee]

A man was invited to a friend's home for dinner, where he noticed that his buddy preceded every request to his wife with endearing terms, calling her honey, darling, sweetheart, pumpkin, etc. He was impressed at this, since the couple had been married over 50 years.

While the wife was in the kitchen, he said, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy shrugged, lowered his voice and said, "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about 10 years ago."

[sanlee]

What is virginity?

Virginity is a big issue over a small tissue.

[sanlee]

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron. He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I'm celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman, "I'm celebrating, too." She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"I'm a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they're finally fertile."

"What a coincidence, the woman said. My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I'm pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched roosters," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

[sanlee]

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

[sanlee]

Response during sex:

Mistress: Wow! Darling this is great.

Whore: Come on finish it now.

Girlfriend: Ah! Please slowly.

Wife: Ceiling needs painting!