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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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#16
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I really salute you bro. Wah lan eh you can really tahan and suffer for 8 years. This wife is from hell. Like the saying marriage is for better or for worse. If i were you i bye bye her asap.
Last edited by BedGuy; 21-04-2022 at 05:08 PM. |
#17
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
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While we mortals have no super power of the comics or movie kind, we DO have a gift - the power to influence another. It is not magic. It is just simply communications & patience, to steer one from another's path. It will not work overnite, but only over time. Understand her needs & wants, & understand yours as well. A thousand battles fought, a thousand won, once you can slowly, at the right moments, not during heated arguments, & over time, you would have guided her to a better path for the future of your family. We can easily give up, as most do, but it comes with consequences of practical realities over singlehood or single parent. There is no good or bad consequences, but realities to accept & for sustainability of life till old age. The journey of life is far better shared than alone. No being promised life will be a bed of roses daily. There will always be challenges daily, to courageously confront & not hide, or cover it under the floor mat, in order to live not just for oneself, but loved ones too. |
#18
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
Sorry to hear of your circumstances.
However, it seems like a great situation for your wife to be in. Housework is all done, no need to contribute financially, no need to help raise daughter, you can be at her beck and call... It doesn't seem like she respects any of the responsibilities which typically come with raising a family or fostering a marriage. That is very self-centered. I see you have tried your best to do what would objectively improve the relationship. I don't think anyone can doubt you in trying to improve the situation. However, if I may make a point so as to hopefully provide some insight from my point of view, I see that ironically your actions of compensating for her lack of contributions over the years has probably actually reinforced her bad behaviors. The more badly she treats your marriage/family, the more the ideal the situation becomes for her. She is actually being rewarded for her bad behavior. I say this as an observation and not a criticism of the past as I'm sure you did what you thought you needed to do to get your family/marriage through the difficulties. It is also not to excuse her behavior and neglect of your marriage and family life in the first place. I think if you are to make it work, you must regain your own authority and power back, in order to balance your relationship, in order to save it. This means you need to stop rewarding her for her neglect. See your relationship as a bike along a road, without balance, the bike can't go straight. Both parties need to give and take to keep the bike balanced, to keep it moving forward. One party pulls the weight of the other for too long the bike ends turning off center, if you do this for too long you end up moving in circles and eventually everyone falls off. It's not a healthy environment to be going in circles and people will be hurt when you fall off. You both must make it more balanced as it sounds like if you continue, it is inevitable that the bike is headed for a big crash. If you both know this, it will allow you to take drastic and difficult action to avoid a crash. I hope you find a way through it. I think you have lots of worth both as a father and a husband. Your spouse should not feel entitled to take it for granted. If not, maybe you are better riding the bike without her, or even with someone new. Best of luck! Last edited by Humpy Dumpty; 21-04-2022 at 09:58 AM. |
#19
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We all have our (not too glorious) histories (past or present). I am not a saint and I do not intend to be one. But in the interest of re-starting and rewriting history for our child, I'd really want to make things work. Quote:
You could probably say, I am the equivalent of a helpless mother who can do nothing but hang my arms while her son screams, kicks and bangs his head against the ground. But the mum couldn't leave her son out of love for her Yup. I am a failure at that. Quote:
From earlier posts - communications does seem to be the key. I mean, she's not stupid and she probably can register pretty high on the IQ score if she wants. After all, I believe I did addressed her sense of extreme insecurity from a monologue with her in the car. Trying to keep my mental self without going mental. |
#20
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
"I am not sure if I am trying to justify for her if I say "it prob stems from unknown childhood trauma or she's raised on single parent system."
------------> Avoid such men and women like a plague. My effing mother is from such backgrd. Her only saving grace was, she was pretty. And my father is a cuck. Children/Adults from such backgrd are known to be problematic in most cases. This is well documented in the west. It can range anything from Domestic abuse, child abuse, narcotics to full fledged psychopath (eg: Ted Bundy) I am genuinely surprised a lot of Singaporeans Chinese Men still stick to the notion of married till forever (even if it means the end of me, aka kampong thinking. Not implying you, OP). Things have CHANGED and we have to adapt to times. This is not Surabaya, Indonesia. |
#21
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
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also go for counselling Even want to divorce, also need to build up your case for more favourable outcomes. Court will consider the fact that you have made efforts to save the marriage before. |
#22
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I am not frens with fallen11 and peanadood. However u should seek both of their advices. I am not going to read, understand and provide advices further. This forum should be leisure reading, not painful reading. |
#23
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
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It's like the investment field. Most would place their life savings on a Broker, who claims he is the best, with records to show you, but only the wins & NOT the losses. It's a job to him - he earns commission. However, it is YOUR life savings. Win or lose, the Broker loses nothing. If you win, good for you. But if he lost it all, it's only YOUR savings, not his. He simply pats the dust off his backside & leave you to come to grips on the lost of your life savings. Investments have its up & downs, he will tell you. It's your choice after all, as he did not put a gun to your head & force you to invest. The best investor is & WILL always be yourself. It's your life savings. All it takes is MORE understanding, education & trial runs with small amounts 1st, to learn, then when you are confident enough with market study, then proceed to bigger amounts. Similarly in life, YOU are the best counsellor for your marriage, as YOU know 1st hand from day 1 till today in the relationship with your wife - her every needs as well as yours. As no 2 human will think alike or can read mind, communications is akin to learning, from each other, to progress the relationship for a better future, taking baby steps first, with patience, before proceeding to the next level. It only needs patience & time. Her calls of Divorce or seemingly indifference to household chores ( as you earn a decent salary & both have different work times, thus there may be a maid to tidy up after you both at home) may not be real, as common with women who says yes but mean no, but only a cry or a plea that there is something wrong in the relationship & needs to improve. You will need to find a good & quiet time with her to draw out the depths & real meaning of such cries, to improve or compromise for a preferable future for you both & kid, they way you both used to do before marriage, sharing hopes & dreams for a future together, under the moon on a bench facing the endless sea at East Coast Park... Most easily quit & think their next relationship will be better. They are mistaken. Humans are not robots or slaves. It will need patience & time to build a relationship. If they have none of such, then life will be revolving door of women till money runs out or old age, unless one is a tycoon, then they can easily change partners everyday, but then, tycoons became rich by saving, not throwing money or relationships away. Last edited by Willamshakspear; 21-04-2022 at 09:34 PM. |
#24
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Yes, it is very hurting for TS. Just minimise the emotional damages. Due to my job nature, i need to practically hands-on a bit of database. But customers say this is programming. Squirrel language is a form of programming too. What loads of rubbish..... what to do????? Let's not continue our conversation further and better kill the interest of this discussion asap. I need to take a break and study a bit later on. If dun learn, then how to work and how to earn more money????? |
#25
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
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Did you overpromise before marriage and unable to fulfill that now? |
#26
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
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Sorry to hear tat.. but to be brutally honest, basically ur fate is sealed. Even if u think that escape route via divorce will set u free, u will not be. Financially u will be drained till point of no return. SO what u can do now is to pray day n night that u r fit enough to continue working till retirement age as your liabilities are too much to take a breather from work. Smart women will fast fast get married before their expiry date is over. Imagine a BBFA wifu keep ordering you around beck n call like a slave till ur last breath. Sad but hard truth in sg context. |
#27
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
Step 1 try to look at your finances
Step 2 talk to your wife (is she Singaporean) If you don’t do 1-2 properly, later will land into financial issues
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Inflation inflation inflation |
#28
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
The insignificant nobody me do agree that finances play an important role in marriage for sustainability as well in the decision to divorce.
Singapore's judicial system is balanced & fair. While it may seem to protect women in divorce proceedings, equally it will not burden the man, as the judge will seek to study the husband & wife's financial situation for sustainability, before awarding any claims. In our male dominated World, the man has far more opportunities in jobs & career development even right up to old age, but for women, not all but most, they have a shelf life, no matter how much she can earn while young. The maintenance obtained from the man is to support her, so that she can sustain life for herself & not be left abandoned after a vow & oath made at marriage is broken now by the husband. However, money is NOT everything. Although it is said without money, everything becomes nothing, it will be a sad day when money is the only equation in a marriage, more so in Singapore when opportunities abound for all & none goes hungry. What most women want from a husband is just to be loved, a 9 to 5 job, a decent salary for sustainability, & companionship for life. Most are educated Singaporeans & knows it is useless to compare with others. With high salaries comes higher sacrifices to the family which will be detrimental to her desires such as shorter time spent together, overseas biz trips, etc. Sometimes, perhaps when the wife is stressed out at work or with her menstrual cycles, the husband will have to have patience, to calmly talk to her, remind her & bring her down with REALITIES to accept, for a vow of love made at marriage, to discuss & find solutions or compromises together to achieve a goal in the journey of life together. Reason & logic, when presented properly, over patience & time, will always win, even with the seemingly mental, & most are sane. The only insane ones are already in mental hospitals or under medication to stay sane. |
#29
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It takes two hands to clap. Only stay in the marriage if everyone plays their part well in front of your child.
In your case, it is unhealthy for your precious daughter to witness hostilities within family, much less for another family member to gossip about her father to her. Why are you putting yourself through such agony? What exactly are you holding on for? In my opinion, the faster you end the marriage and take your child, the better it is for your mental health and for your child. It is better for your girl to live with a happy and loving father than for her to grow up in a broken family, one that she keep hearing her mother say how much she don't want her. Leave. You are better than that |
#30
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Re: Crazy insecure wife who always hang the D word
you knew what you were in for when you sign the cert and lasted that long. Hoped the sex was good and worth it. Else, such women needs to be thumbed down and shown her place.
Every cornered dog will bite and it is just a matter of time when you retaliate. You dont need bros here to teach you.
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Always keen in brown sugars. Pls PM me if you got anything to share |
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