sexless marriage/relationship fr a female's perspective

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by jaguarbkk

Sex is just a part of a relationship. It does not represent everything. It adds on to the intimacy aspects of a relationship.

When a couple grows old, what matters most is the support and love for each other. If they still continue to have sex regularly, that will be a bonus.

My personal perspective.

Exactly. Up to you. But if you choose to see intimacy as an added bonus, you'll be much happier.
Because at the very least, you can get it satisfied elsewhere.
But the kind of support, trust and love, that someone who's been through thick and thin with you don't even let go.
Never choose the one who has not been through the worse of the worse with you.
Stay with the one who stuck by you when you had nothing.

[Peacekeeping]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Exactly. Up to you. But if you choose to see intimacy as an added bonus, you'll be much happier.
Because at the very least, you can get it satisfied elsewhere.
But the kind of support, trust and love, that someone who's been through thick and thin with you don't even let go.
Never choose the one who has not been through the worse of the worse with you.
Stay with the one who stuck by you when you had nothing.

Quite hard to find in modern society when people treat marriage as a piece of paper. Would you stuck by your husband if he has nothing?

[Ladyrain]

Originally Posted by Peacekeeping

Quite hard to find in modern society when people treat marriage as a piece of paper. Would you stuck by your husband if he has nothing?

Yes. For better or worse, till death do us apart. If he has given his best and tried all efforts to keep it going, what kind of person are you to give up after you made a vow?
Do you expect him to abandon you if you are crippled? If all he has is that $10 and he did not hesitate to give you $9.90, what reasons do you have to walk away?
Unless he kept that $10, and left you to struggle.. it's not about who is there to enjoy life with you. It's about who is still there to shoulder the burden and trudge on with you when you have nothing at all .

[jaguarbkk]

Originally Posted by Peacekeeping

Quite hard to find in modern society when people treat marriage as a piece of paper. Would you stuck by your husband if he has nothing?

It is hard but possible.

$$$ is always important. Life is realistic. We cannot deny. I have seen many couples happily living their life even though they are not earning alot. It is possible if both have the same level of expectation.

[Peacekeeping]

Originally Posted by jaguarbkk

It is hard but possible.

$$$ is always important. Life is realistic. We cannot deny. I have seen many couples happily living their life even though they are not earning alot. It is possible if both have the same level of expectation.

Usually pretty gals have very high expectations. Cui gals won’t even bother to dress up, let alone expect you to bring her to expensive restaurant.

[Peacekeeping]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Yes. For better or worse, till death do us apart. If he has given his best and tried all efforts to keep it going, what kind of person are you to give up after you made a vow?
Do you expect him to abandon you if you are crippled? If all he has is that $10 and he did not hesitate to give you $9.90, what reasons do you have to walk away?
Unless he kept that $10, and left you to struggle.. it's not about who is there to enjoy life with you. It's about who is still there to shoulder the burden and trudge on with you when you have nothing at all .

You have a heart of gold. You must have very good upbringing. Sadly most people are selfish. If you want to give your heart, choose wisely and give to the right man.

[piichai]

Originally Posted by jaguarbkk

Sex is just a part of a relationship. It does not represent everything. It adds on to the intimacy aspects of a relationship.

When a couple grows old, what matters most is the support and love for each other. If they still continue to have sex regularly, that will be a bonus.

My personal perspective.

well said i hv the same feeling

[piichai]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Yes. For better or worse, till death do us apart. If he has given his best and tried all efforts to keep it going, what kind of person are you to give up after you made a vow?
Do you expect him to abandon you if you are crippled? If all he has is that $10 and he did not hesitate to give you $9.90, what reasons do you have to walk away?
Unless he kept that $10, and left you to struggle.. it's not about who is there to enjoy life with you. It's about who is still there to shoulder the burden and trudge on with you when you have nothing at all .

well said i hv the same feeling

[driedlemon3]

Thanks everyone who contributed your thots, share your stories here about intimacy. I always learn something from other people's perspective and experience. at the moment, i felt very at peace to focus on myself. being with yourself can be happy n fulfilling as well if you bring in meaningful activities into your life. intimacy is always with a special someone, not everyone can have that special someone for life. sometimes their role in your life is over, u just have to let them go n be at peace.

[BatamBro]

Originally Posted by driedlemon3

I have read alot here abt bros talking abt their sad sexless life.... all of us go into a relationship cos there was an initial attraction, we call it love n eventually we got married n hv kids. Technically that shd be the pinnacles of happiness but not so behind closed door. Many women also talk abt their sexless lives, just no equivalent of SBF for us to start a thread and discuss openly. No we didn't let ourselves go n turn into an ugly fat potato nor do we binge on Korean drama. most of us wanted so much for intimacy too but somehow I guess both sides take each other for granted, no more sweet words, act of service n slowly both sides don't feel loved anymore. For men, it's impt to connect thru sex to feel loved. For us, we need to feel loved in daily life to want to have sex. We feel resentful as our man only hug n kiss us when he wants sex, otherwise we felt like leper that he won't even touch or notice we hv a new dress or look gd on an occasion. The resentment actually builds up n when our man initiates sex we pretended to do other things to avoid it cos it felt empty. Too many of us felt this way n some actually go ahead to cheat on the marriage. It's a sad vicious cycle. I wrote all these here not because I want to blame our men here. It's more to make aware that the rejection in the bedroom is often an emotion already building up over months and years. It's not about how much our man earn, how he looks, it's a build up of feeling of unloved. It's just a sharing, not trying to pick a fight with anyone.

exactly what I have been doing as a partner to keep the fire burning but I guess I'm not doing it the right way.. partner has been engrossed with work and other miscellaneous activities with friends

[minator]

If you live with someone for more than 12months, I think it’s v likely the honeymoon period will be over.

Originally Posted by piichai

I have been through few marriages and I am on the receiving end and giving end when it comes to EMA.
These are my observations :

1) We can fuck around with other peoples woman (wives) and our wives can also do the same and probably will because both of them do not have the sparks anymore.

2) Many married couples are not happily married and they may seem happy but only they know best. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes trust, faithfulness, respect and love.

3) My flings, FWB and FB usually married comes from all walks of life when I was single and attached.
Some of their betrayal are so scary that I dont trust woman anymore.

4) When men are attached, they can either find a FB or pay to get a release.
It takes only 1 occasion to break the bond and betray her, once it is done, it is very hard to stay faithful and you will start to stray

I have been faithful for 8 months now because i found my true love. She is married and maybe wife of someone in this forum. She is considering to get out of a sexless marriage.
She is more than 45. As for me, after all these married life and expensive commercial sex, I have good sex with her and she loves me.
Now instead of spending on SPA and GL, I spend it on us and I even have spared cash to save.

I think I may be in a honeymoon period and I am not sure when the novelty will wears out and how long i can hold on before returning to commercial scene.
I hope I wont.

5) When there is no feeling between 2 couples, women are usually the one who feels it first.
They are also the one that want to get out of it if they can.

[After90]

Originally Posted by Ladyrain

Every relationship will go through a transition. It will and never maintain at a honey moon state forever.
Sooner or later, it will move to the next phase. After some time, your partner will feel like a family member.
If sex is the only frustration, I suggest you keep your marriage.
Just be safe, and keep whatever happens outside, outside.

My circle of guy friends below 30s are mostly not keen to get married including myself. For wat to get married, if we already know we will get bored one day. 5yrs 10rs 15yrs??? BF GF we just break up n move on. Married n divorce is costly, time consuming, complicated. Pardon if u find me offensive.

[tomyumgong]

Sis

What kinks n inner desire you all are fulfilling?

I m trying to get my gal to stay excited n get into all new things as she is in Sexless marriage for many years. Me too. So we want to try things as both comfortable.

Tyg

Originally Posted by Lil'Tempt

Sexual intimacy is definitely an important aspect in a relationship. Love without sex is just hollow and ridiculous' and it will eventually leads to the downfall of a relationship.

Was previously in a 2.5yrs relationship with an ex who has PE issue. Always coming within 10-15 seconds of sex. That was alright for me though, as foreplay was still good. However, he had issues with himself and wanted to refrain from sex, just foreplay only. Probably in his mind, no sex is better than bad sex.

For the latter 1.5yrs of rs, we probably had sex once a mth and dwindle down to few mths. For me, it was barely enough. Most days, just had to suffice on my trusty vibrator. And it made me feel that I wasn't enough, attractive to turn him on. And I was having doubts on where he was getting his sex supply from, fl or massage ladies. It took a toll on me, and I moved myself emotionally away as I was having too much self doubts. My ex was also constantly commenting on me not having nice teeth, big enough boobs, and long legs.

Now I am in a much better place. Even though I know I'm pretty enough, women still need validation from their partner. Right now, my current partner is proud to slowly introduce meeting his friends and ex colleagues. And he validates by saying that he loves the confidence I have, and how sexy I am to him. And most of all, sex is part of our relationship. We are slowly exploring all our different kinks and fulfilling our inner desires.

After all, YOLO!

[iamsootlor]

Originally Posted by driedlemon3

I have read alot here abt bros talking abt their sad sexless life.... all of us go into a relationship cos there was an initial attraction, we call it love n eventually we got married n hv kids. Technically that shd be the pinnacles of happiness but not so behind closed door. Many women also talk abt their sexless lives, just no equivalent of SBF for us to start a thread and discuss openly. No we didn't let ourselves go n turn into an ugly fat potato nor do we binge on Korean drama. most of us wanted so much for intimacy too but somehow I guess both sides take each other for granted, no more sweet words, act of service n slowly both sides don't feel loved anymore. For men, it's impt to connect thru sex to feel loved. For us, we need to feel loved in daily life to want to have sex. We feel resentful as our man only hug n kiss us when he wants sex, otherwise we felt like leper that he won't even touch or notice we hv a new dress or look gd on an occasion. The resentment actually builds up n when our man initiates sex we pretended to do other things to avoid it cos it felt empty. Too many of us felt this way n some actually go ahead to cheat on the marriage. It's a sad vicious cycle. I wrote all these here not because I want to blame our men here. It's more to make aware that the rejection in the bedroom is often an emotion already building up over months and years. It's not about how much our man earn, how he looks, it's a build up of feeling of unloved. It's just a sharing, not trying to pick a fight with anyone.

It is a norm now. Many possible factors to it.

- Financial situation, can you afford having the children without financial stress and have a housekeeper while you spend time taking care of yourself?

- The man too nice from the start and the woman takes it for granted?

- Intimacy must come from both party effort. If both party base their relationship on feeling love, and no effort to love the other, sooner or later will die out then seperate. puppy lovey dovey is not forever. couples who hook up because of puppy love feeling never last. Couples who make a choice and put the effort in the intimacy will last.

So many reasons.

And I have to agree sex is very important in a relationship. So is effort to keep the relationship intimate

[Greenfrog]

Originally Posted by piichai

I have been through few marriages and I am on the receiving end and giving end when it comes to EMA.
These are my observations :

1) We can fuck around with other peoples woman (wives) and our wives can also do the same and probably will because both of them do not have the sparks anymore.

2) Many married couples are not happily married and they may seem happy but only they know best. Maintaining a healthy relationship takes trust, faithfulness, respect and love.

3) My flings, FWB and FB usually married comes from all walks of life when I was single and attached.
Some of their betrayal are so scary that I dont trust woman anymore.

4) When men are attached, they can either find a FB or pay to get a release.
It takes only 1 occasion to break the bond and betray her, once it is done, it is very hard to stay faithful and you will start to stray

I have been faithful for 8 months now because i found my true love. She is married and maybe wife of someone in this forum. She is considering to get out of a sexless marriage.
She is more than 45. As for me, after all these married life and expensive commercial sex, I have good sex with her and she loves me.
Now instead of spending on SPA and GL, I spend it on us and I even have spared cash to save.

I think I may be in a honeymoon period and I am not sure when the novelty will wears out and how long i can hold on before returning to commercial scene.
I hope I wont.

5) When there is no feeling between 2 couples, women are usually the one who feels it first.
They are also the one that want to get out of it if they can.

words of wisdom.