On the rocks

[Rickey]

Originally Posted by topcook1

Guess there is no love anymore. Is your responsibility only. If I am you I will call it off and lead a new life. Woman once they dont love u...is gone...

Yes, wat bro topcook says is quite true...know of a no of such cases where they turn the guys away heartlessly...once she makes up her mind, there's no turning back esp women...no point chasing after her shadow...move on & find greener pastures elsewhere...there are still many other nice fishes in the deep blue sea...in the whole wide world...

[wa81]

Now, is staying together for the sake of staying together...
Asking myself what do I want. I do still want this marriage to go on, even though she no longer loves me, I still do love her. The irony... love really is blind faith... haha...
She, on the other hand, does not wants to anything to change since she cant even decide what she wants... the guy or the family, I guess status que is still the best option at the moment.

The fact that she cheated cannot be denied, but of course, this is just a small statistics adding to the current world record now... I can forgive her for what she did, she felt pang of guilt, but this is a forever scar which only time can heal...

guess the status for me now is married but available... haha... how many out there are actually going thru this kind of status??? I am sure there are many more in similar situation... ok, not to the extend of cheating, but just that the love is lost and couples are staying together for the sake of staying together?

[Summerhillt]

Time heals all wounds but leaves a scar. Don't worry bro , she cannot even choose between you or the family means shes not something worth to hold.

[Sugarbabe3331]

I know of some couples who have stayed together in a loveless marriage because a) they do not want the financial burden of a divorce b) they want to keep up pretenses c) of the children.

There is one couple I know who have stayed together for 30 years. Husband still comes home to the family everyday, good provider but has a string of girlfriends. Wife chooses to stay in the marriage saying that as long as he comes home to her, it's fine. Both are suffering. Children are also suffering. Why put everyone through the agony for so long? There is no quality in that kind of life.

I am not an advocate of divorce but if there is no more trust it will be hard for the marriage to survive. Why put yourself through a lifetime of unhappiness with her knowing that she is cheating on you and does not reciprocate your love? You deserve a second shot at happiness.

[HappyOwl]

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe3331

they want to keep up pretenses

Sis. Sugarbabe3331,

They want to keep up pretenses means what

They want to pretend nothing happened

[Sugarbabe3331]

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

[demonhunter]

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe3331

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

This type is old timer lifestyle ... the wife close one eye .

The new Generation will sue the husband and make him lose 60%

[HappyOwl]

Originally Posted by Sugarbabe3331

Hi Happyowl,

They want to make it appear that all is well between them in front of their relatives and friends and act like a happy married couple but live separate lives. It's partly due to the pressure from older siblings to stay together and keep their status as a respected couple in their community.

Oh, now I understand. It is a tricky situation.

From the way I read your paragraph, it gives me an impression of a time bomb. Is a matter of time before one tick, ticks again and again until both suffocate. On top of that, at least when they meet anyone outside, they still can...

...my husband this la hee hee... my husband that la hee hee...

...my wifa ah, aiyoh... my wife ah, hee hee...

Am I right?

[Johnbass]

http://www.tnp.sg/content/spore-man-...-divorce-party

S'pore man splurges $52,000 on divorce party

Printed TNP copy also reported about S'pore woman having divorce party.
Haiz... should just come sbf... no need waste $$

[HappyOwl]

Originally Posted by Johnbass

Printed TNP copy also reported about S'pore woman having divorce party.
Haiz... should just come sbf... no need waste $$

Bro. Johnbass, it seems like they are not even troubled by alimony fees, lawyer fees, maintenance fees?

That also provided they don't get married again. No

[Ahxi]

Get PI
Call for group meeting with a mediator / witness (sister in law will be best).
Ask the guy and wife how they want to proceed. Give them 2 - 3 days to think through.
Idea is to force them and yourself to make a decision and stick with it.

I think this will be better for the long run for your daughter than just for her to find out that the "happy family" is all a lie. She might just end up hating her mom more later on.

Also, if she choose to leave on her own, the probability of you having to support her is low. You might still love her but releasing her might be good for both you and her. Who knows, you might just meet someone who is willing to sacrifice more for you and your daughter. The important point is that there should be a witness.

[bbmapple]

TS , your situation not the only one... Although I am woman, I also agree that nowadays women are much more aggressive when comes to such things...

I think if there is already a 3rd party, no point to salvage... She is a mother but doesn't act like one. She is a wife but has no respect for the marriage. She is a woman but behaves like a bitch!

I grew up in single parent family. I don't hate my mum for dumping the family and re-marry. I only miss her during times when my friends all have mummies who cry on the wedding day... Sighs...
Other than that, I am a very loved child in my family. My grandparents are my support and they aLways tell me they are proud of me. My father dotes on me and give me a lot of love. And he works hard (I can tell even though I was only 7 or 8 years old) and always bring me to trips when I was still a child...

If u are prepared to love your girl with everything u have, I think that is enough. Don't let the precious childhood become an act when she finally grows up and knows.
IMHO, if I had lived with both my parents, and had to live with a false front for the last 20 years of my life, I don't think I will be the person I am now.

It is ok to live with a failed marriage. Or grow up from a single parent family. There is no such stigma in this day and time.

But of cos, u can confront your wife first. Other samsters gave some advice on how to approach her. I also think no point to confront that "intruder" cos now it's him come and stir, even he knows she is married.
If she really not letting go that "intruder" what's the point of living with a one-sided marriage?? If she loves your girl, she will come back. By then, u can learn to forgive her and heal.

Take care TS

[Megatronzombie]

Originally Posted by wa81

Getting a PI to check on the guy. Worth it?
To divorce, The burden will be too much for my daughter and everyone around us to bear...
I confronted her again and what hurt me most is that she was indecisive of who to chose. I guess that, itself already proved alot.

In the end, I chose status que, for my gal... since she cant make a decision. Well, to rather chose to go separate way and hurting my gal in the process, it is a irreversible damage that will be done. Since her first priority is also our gal, I believe this is the minimal damage option, as the only person to be hurt, I guess its myself...

I asked myself constantly, thought thru alot, and I still believe I still love her enough... and if she is happy this way, I will follow her will and who knows what will happen in the future. Just that, I will be just a father to her daughter, a friend (I hope this is a baseline)...

Time to change my focus to my gal and my work and myself... At least this can bring a closure to this chapter of my life for now...

Thks for all the encouragements and advices bros..

Bro TS, I have always been a candid person and I wont stop now being one now. If you don't like candid-ness and brutal worst case scenario projections, you better stop reading what I am going to write. If you are ok with it, please read on.

Bro TS do you know what will happen if you let this drag on? Let me put it in context in the worst case scenario:

1) You will become mentally ill knowing you have to work hard everyday. While Mr yolololo is having a mighty fine time (if you know what i mean) with your so-called wife in the office on her late nights, you will be at home reading storybooks to your girl and tugging her to bed. When can your heart give in to all this stupid condition and finally snap?!?
2) Your so-called wife already so busy at work now add on to late- night outings and sex with the other guy will simply has less and less time for your daughter, your daughter will be wondering whats going on and why is mummy never around? She will ask so many questions you can't answer without lying to her until you will burst and probably do something you will regret for life... well, unless you are so darn patient and forgiving then you will tell your daughter everytime your mum is trying her best at work in whiccase pls see item (5) below
3) Worst case scenario A: After many years of status quo, your so-called wife finally made the decision to follow Mr Yolo and dumps you but as you said, she loves her daughter. She will fight for custody for her daughter to become a happy family with the guy. Whoopee, a happy family unit is formed!! The Singapore Dream!.... but you're not in it. Sorry. You will be left with NOTHING and you will be old and you will feel so tired, demotivated and hard to get another wife and have another child. The daughter you brought up for many years suddenly will not be yours. And yes this is Singapore woman charter rights, you hardly stand a chance to get your daughter if your wife and Mr Yolo can prove they can take care of her themselves. You didnt bother to get a PI to get down evidence so you have nothing to fight with. Just... too... bad
4) Worst case scenario B: You continue your status-quo masterplan. Every night she work late in office enjoying wine with Mr Yololololo and the occassional hot sex romps. You come home to your daughter who asks you every day where is mum. You wrack ytour brains thinking to come up with excuses for her. Then finally the day came, Mr Yololololololo decided he has played with your so-called wife enough and all 'positions/locations' achievement unlocked, time to change for another bitch, baby. Swiftly dumps your so-called wife. Your wife tearful and full of broken hearts came running back to you crying for acceptance. By then your heart is already full of bitterness, emptyness and sorrow, the question is.... will you still accept her anymore?
5) Worst case scenario C: After many many years of your status quo grand plan, your daughter has all grown up. There is simply no f**king way she doesnt know her mum is screwing another guy and her dad is letting it happen. She will have a warped mental attitude towards marriage, infidelity, sex and... status quo. And one day, who knows, she might just repeat the same mistake as her mother.

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter.

[romidogdog]

Originally Posted by Megatronzombie

Bro TS, I have always been a candid person and I wont stop now being one now. If you don't like candid-ness and brutal worst case scenario projections, you better stop reading what I am going to write. If you are ok with it, please read on.

Bro TS do you know what will happen if you let this drag on? Let me put it in context in the worst case scenario:

1) You will become mentally ill knowing you have to work hard everyday. While Mr yolololo is having a mighty fine time (if you know what i mean) with your so-called wife in the office on her late nights, you will be at home reading storybooks to your girl and tugging her to bed. When can your heart give in to all this stupid condition and finally snap?!?
2) Your so-called wife already so busy at work now add on to late- night outings and sex with the other guy will simply has less and less time for your daughter, your daughter will be wondering whats going on and why is mummy never around? She will ask so many questions you can't answer without lying to her until you will burst and probably do something you will regret for life... well, unless you are so darn patient and forgiving then you will tell your daughter everytime your mum is trying her best at work in whiccase pls see item (5) below
3) Worst case scenario A: After many years of status quo, your so-called wife finally made the decision to follow Mr Yolo and dumps you but as you said, she loves her daughter. She will fight for custody for her daughter to become a happy family with the guy. Whoopee, a happy family unit is formed!! The Singapore Dream!.... but you're not in it. Sorry. You will be left with NOTHING and you will be old and you will feel so tired, demotivated and hard to get another wife and have another child. The daughter you brought up for many years suddenly will not be yours. And yes this is Singapore woman charter rights, you hardly stand a chance to get your daughter if your wife and Mr Yolo can prove they can take care of her themselves. You didnt bother to get a PI to get down evidence so you have nothing to fight with. Just... too... bad
4) Worst case scenario B: You continue your status-quo masterplan. Every night she work late in office enjoying wine with Mr Yololololo and the occassional hot sex romps. You come home to your daughter who asks you every day where is mum. You wrack ytour brains thinking to come up with excuses for her. Then finally the day came, Mr Yololololololo decided he has played with your so-called wife enough and all 'positions/locations' achievement unlocked, time to change for another bitch, baby. Swiftly dumps your so-called wife. Your wife tearful and full of broken hearts came running back to you crying for acceptance. By then your heart is already full of bitterness, emptyness and sorrow, the question is.... will you still accept her anymore?
5) Worst case scenario C: After many many years of your status quo grand plan, your daughter has all grown up. There is simply no f**king way she doesnt know her mum is screwing another guy and her dad is letting it happen. She will have a warped mental attitude towards marriage, infidelity, sex and... status quo. And one day, who knows, she might just repeat the same mistake as her mother.

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter.

totally agreed, nowadays i was wondering what happened to our society now? Compare to our older generation? I have come across so many this kind of cases, real sad, especially with young children. Marriage is a life time commitment, can't commit than don't married! to me, they are just selfish , heartless, cruel. Something is missing with both parties. Communications? Spending less time together? Sex problem ?When you feel something is not right in your relationship, most importantly is go for heart to heart talks, find out what's the problem.Imho, If my wife happens to eat outside, I'll dump her no matter what ,cos if not, the scenario will keep coming into my mind for life !!.its torturing !!!

TS, you decide what's good for you.

[arsenal_84]

Originally Posted by Megatronzombie

If you didnt heed my advice about not reading this up until now, I would like to apologise again but seriously speaking you need to resolve this and i dont mean the only way is to divorce her. There are many ways to overcome this witout jeapordising your daughter. You will have to think out of the box and you will have to do this fast before things gets worse for your mental health, your stupid wife, the Mr Yolo-i-love-fking-married-bitches, and most importantly your daughter.

i feel you provide a very detailed explanation on the risks involved.
when a rs breaks down, it is the mental health that is the most important aspect to take care of.

TS need to be mentally strong in order to take care of his daughter and to do that, fatherly love have to blossom and i believe that is not possible without a positive mind free of distractions.
i do not want to go down the path of 2nd guessing but the lingering doubts is enough to drive any sane man out of his mind.