Need optional on divorce

[dgprince72]

Hi All,

This is my first time posting in the SBF, just wanted optional from different bros out there.

Was leaving in China for 10 years and met my current wife (not a working girl) there. We cohabited within half a year was very happy in the beginning. Things started to change in the 4 year as we grew apart. I was busy climbing the corporate ladder and she did not seem to understand since she was not working and depended on the money that I give her. I felt that she did not understand me and we started to grew apart and the frequency of sex was reduce to also zero. Well, I was in the land of sins so sex was not a issue as I can also get a FL to do it.

I met a divorcee with 2 kids when I was back in Singapore for business meetings. We clicked and we started a relationship. She told me her financial issue and I was giving her some allowance to help her out.

I was two-timing 2 women for almost 3 years and both of them do not know of each other existence since 1 is in China and 1 in Singapore.

After 10 years in the corporate world, I decided I had enough and decided to come back to Singapore to start my own business. I decided that to end it with the divorcee as she was expecting alot from me and I was just starting out on my business. My wife was very supportive in the begining and that is when I decided to marry her in Singapore. She came over and she met my family members and we got married.

She was quite supportive in the beginning but when she arrive in Singapore and saw how I was struggling she commented that I should just leave everything behind and return to China back to the corporate world where I would be better and she will be more comfortable.

There was one incident that I could never forget, her bother from China was working for me and he got injured in the factory. She commented that if there is anything wrong with her bother she will never forgive me. It was a accident and luckily her bother recovered fully. Our sex life is zero, as I cannot feel that she understand me.

To cut things short we were married for also 3 years but her time in Singapore is less than a year and this is not because of ICA issue. She got her P.R. within 3 months after our ROM. During this CNY she left for China and is still in China till today. I have spoken to her regarding us living apart and she just comments that she is not used to life in Singapore and she think Singapore sucks. The only time that she will call me is to ask for her living expense and she knows that I am struggling in Singapore. She expects me to give her allowance even when I do not have enough money to pay my suppliers. Anyway luckily for me my business pick up and things are not that bad now.

As for the Singapore divorcee, I still occasionally meet her when my wife is in China. No sex was involved as I wanted to stay committed to my wife. However things changed this year as I am very disappointed with my wife actions and I started to court the divorcee again and we ended having sex. I felt that she understand me and sex was better than before. However I still have my reservations on her as I feel that she is not a simple lady. She is the sort that get jealous easily and wants to control her other half. Out of the blue moon she discovered that I was married and she was very upset but we were back together within a week as I told her that I am thinking about getting a divorce with my China wife. I was really thinking about getting a divorce as my wife is living her own life and I am also living my own life. What happen to the Chinese proverb of following whoever you marry?

Now the Singapore divorcee is pressuring me of getting the divorce now but I not sure if I still love my wife.

Sorry about the long post but really need some advice on what I shall do with my love life

[jasdude]

Nobody or bodies can tell you what to do in such situation. You have to decide for yourself what to do. Its your life, and what you become in future is dependent on the path you take now. Weigh the pros and cons, compare and contrast all you like. Ultimately is your choice and the consequences are yours too.

[et911]

You should just dump both of them.

[Tomthefucker]

Originally Posted by et911

You should just dump both of them.

i second that..

[see see only]

TS,

First of all, you are brave enough to marry an oversea wife ... and it is never easy ....

However i sensed that you love your PRC wife very much but you dont seems to communicate enough with her "before hand" for the new kind of life you are facing after you started your business ... in the result she misunderstood you a lot (btw most self made businessman's worst enemy is their wife ... becos that's so little time to explain the changes in life style you're facing)

As for the Singapore divorcee ... (which i hate most to look for sillyporean gf, they always force their bf to get married) .... you seems to taken her up for companionship only, and from the way you described her ... you do not look like you love her enough to marry her .... so i guess you know what is needed to be done for this lady.


Above is just my opinion after reading your post .......

[hotstuffm8]

trolololol

[seeyou]

when you recieved a call or text, your heart hope it's from who... from there you should be able to make the decision i think..

[tikokeong]

Originally Posted by dgprince72

Hi All,

This is my first time posting in the SBF, just wanted optional from different bros out there.

Was leaving in China for 10 years and met my current wife (not a working girl) there. We cohabited within half a year was very happy in the beginning. Things started to change in the 4 year as we grew apart. I was busy climbing the corporate ladder and she did not seem to understand since she was not working and depended on the money that I give her. I felt that she did not understand me and we started to grew apart and the frequency of sex was reduce to also zero. Well, I was in the land of sins so sex was not a issue as I can also get a FL to do it.

I met a divorcee with 2 kids when I was back in Singapore for business meetings. We clicked and we started a relationship. She told me her financial issue and I was giving her some allowance to help her out.

I was two-timing 2 women for almost 3 years and both of them do not know of each other existence since 1 is in China and 1 in Singapore.

After 10 years in the corporate world, I decided I had enough and decided to come back to Singapore to start my own business. I decided that to end it with the divorcee as she was expecting alot from me and I was just starting out on my business. My wife was very supportive in the begining and that is when I decided to marry her in Singapore. She came over and she met my family members and we got married.

She was quite supportive in the beginning but when she arrive in Singapore and saw how I was struggling she commented that I should just leave everything behind and return to China back to the corporate world where I would be better and she will be more comfortable.

There was one incident that I could never forget, her bother from China was working for me and he got injured in the factory. She commented that if there is anything wrong with her bother she will never forgive me. It was a accident and luckily her bother recovered fully. Our sex life is zero, as I cannot feel that she understand me.

To cut things short we were married for also 3 years but her time in Singapore is less than a year and this is not because of ICA issue. She got her P.R. within 3 months after our ROM. During this CNY she left for China and is still in China till today. I have spoken to her regarding us living apart and she just comments that she is not used to life in Singapore and she think Singapore sucks. The only time that she will call me is to ask for her living expense and she knows that I am struggling in Singapore. She expects me to give her allowance even when I do not have enough money to pay my suppliers. Anyway luckily for me my business pick up and things are not that bad now.

As for the Singapore divorcee, I still occasionally meet her when my wife is in China. No sex was involved as I wanted to stay committed to my wife. However things changed this year as I am very disappointed with my wife actions and I started to court the divorcee again and we ended having sex. I felt that she understand me and sex was better than before. However I still have my reservations on her as I feel that she is not a simple lady. She is the sort that get jealous easily and wants to control her other half. Out of the blue moon she discovered that I was married and she was very upset but we were back together within a week as I told her that I am thinking about getting a divorce with my China wife. I was really thinking about getting a divorce as my wife is living her own life and I am also living my own life. What happen to the Chinese proverb of following whoever you marry?

Now the Singapore divorcee is pressuring me of getting the divorce now but I not sure if I still love my wife.

Sorry about the long post but really need some advice on what I shall do with my love life

Hi ts,


In my option I would suggest divorce is the best case . If a girls really loves you no matter where u are how hard or what she don't like the area she will just be with you.let it go life is short staying happy is more important.

[wally888]

Originally Posted by et911

You should just dump both of them.

TS looks like this best for you. Always be clear btw lust and love....obviously the divorcee is more of lust than love. Also, ur China wife has been leaving apart from u for more than a year and she's like the 有福同享、有难不同当 type....Maybe u can consider leaving her for good. Anyway, decision lies with u, we only give our 2 cents of comments

[emuLord]

Actually, nobody can provide the answers except yourself. We can give you suggestions, whether they sound reasonable or logical, but it boils down to what you really "want" or "dare" to do. As I see it, your options are:
1) close up business here and return to your china wife and continue there
2) continue business here and continue 2-timing both ladies (which is the current case giving you headaches)
3) continue business here, divorce your china wife and continue with the divorcee. To get married later is again another choice, but more headache because for her kids
4) dump both of them, continue your business and try to find a fresh new companion

Take a pick

[woshixiong]

You have answer ur own question

Dump the both of them and move on with ur life and ur biz. "She ask for her living expense and she knows that I am struggling in Singapore" this i quote from ur story is a serious red flag. Feelings can change but character never. I doubt she will stick with you if u happen to have problems in the future.

[dgprince72]

Hi Bros,

Thanks for all the advice given.

I have made my decision. My wife has recently taken about SGD10K from me in 2 months and she only calls when she needs money. I am utterly disgusted by her behavior. I will be speaking to my lawyer first thing tomorrow morning.

As for the divorcee, I will take things slowly with her and see how life progresses. No point rushing into a marriage and then ending it 5 years down the road.

Thanks again and anyone got a good divorce lawyer to intro.

[BOSSES]

Bro! No offence to you. There is a cultural difference between us and the PRC, Korean, Japanese etc. To the married PRC ( Relevant Case), when the husband leave for overseas work, they also butterfly and fuck around with men in their countries. Hahaha! I have seen alot and it is extremely saddening. Their reliant on others man is because of loneliness etc etc ( Same as us) . As there is a saying, what goes around come around. Therefore, my perspective and believe is that to be with someone, whether working, married or friendship is all about fate and being forgiving.

My rules of Sex Engagement is;

1) Never fuck with a woman who is still married.
2) Never fuck a virgin.

Sex is not part of all in a relationship. In a relationship Communication, accommodation, understanding, respect and forgiveness play a vital part in a relationship. This are developed from their core families value. Try to look at their families values and you should be able to see what type of person he/She is. Filial piety and understanding of religious teaching is the utmost importance and it will lead to many good virtue and behaviour. To me education play only a very small significant role in morality. ( look at the recent case of adultery cases in Singapore from high level people)

Bro! Things happen for a reason. Try to find peace in yourself first and you will find your answer. Everyone can only give you their perspective, but you have your own values and experiences. Only you can find your own answer.

I hope you find peace in whatever you do. My best wishes to you always.

[kosan]

Dear dpprince72,
The bros in this forum have clear your thoughts in your head. What you have described that your legal wife may not be the person you want to spend the rest of your life away. I can understand that we men have struggling in our carrier facing tons of pressure especially in corporate culture. Sometimes when our wife gets too comfortable or complacent with their lives they may have forgotten their duties. We have become their evergreen meal voucher. Look we have turn into a meal voucher printing machine.
It may be a right thing to end the marriage. When the day when you have engage a lawyer to handle your divorce case she may realise that she will loss a permanent meal voucher. That where your will have to be strong and not turning back. My best guess is she might immediately fly to Singapore and want to patch up with you. Women have three tricks in the hand. First is cry to gain your sympathy. Secondly throw her tantrum that everything is your fault and that where she wants to touch you guilt. Thirdly she will want to end her life; this is threatening you so that you will reverse your decision.
It is best to be firm in your decision. It is best to be well prepared rather caught off guard.
I am in my forties, usually women that attract/click us somewhere in the thirties. For the divorcee you may need more time to understand her. Ask yourself is she turning you into a evergreen meal voucher. When you are in love we always forget our logical thinking.
Deep in my heart I believe that your earning is a substantial amount. You are stable and a decisive person. There are times where are confuse by women and think with the other head. Even when our outlook is no longer attractive but our charm still attracts them.
When you have obtain the bachelor hood certificate, that is the time you still can going some sort of thing dating agency. I know you still can find a sweet, decent and attractive gal and willing to spend the rest of the life with you.
Regards,
Kosan